So I was thinking...

2006-01-30T21:41:00.000-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060130/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/brazil_abandoned_baby; a sad story? who's to say, but i do know this. good for her for surviving. but please know this. i'm not one of the brave souls attempting to adopt her.

And as far as this goes:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060130/ap_on_re_us/people_baby_jessica_marries

I didn't even remember who baby jessica was before i clicked on the link. i initially thought the first test btube baby. so why such a private ceremony. I was amazed that anyone really cared. i thought her fifteen minutes of fame was over when she was 18 months old.

in other words, "Yahoo find better front page news. both stories bore me. and if i'm bored i'm not the only one."

There are bound to be others who aren't caring. yes, i'm glad baby jessica was rescued, as well as an anonymous brazilian's crack whore's baby was spared from the piranah, but at the end of the day my life is not going to change because of either of them.

baby jessica, may i offer one word of advice, "keep your offspring away from wells." I don't care to have my regulary scheduled programs interrupted because baby jessica's baby fell into a well.

i prefer regularly scheduled programs over the "we interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this breaking report" programs.

My momma loved me and knew if i attempted to cross the street. i'll guarantee you my 18 month old ass wasn't wandering around falling into wells. hell, she knew if i tried to sneak across the street. Thank you mom for being so watchful. i can proudly say, my life has never interrupted a regularly scheduled program.

baby jessica, i understand you were too young to know better, but your mother wasn't.

as far as the brazilian river baby goes, you're mother is a dirty crack whore. there it needed to be said, and i said it.

anyone who would give their child to a homeless person and then act shocked because she was floating down a river in a plastic bag. you should spend the rest of your miserable life in a brazilian prison getting daily brazilian waxes and being traded for cigarettes and beer. what kind of moron gives her baby to a homeless person? oh, that's right, no one. you put your baby in a plastic bag and floated her down the river. What were you thinking, that a pharohs daughter would find her and she would part the red sea? it's already been done. find a new gimmick you uncreative bitch.

i'm not trying to sound negative, just trying to sound realistic.

and why is john hagee adverstising a diet plan. he's obese. not just obest, but morbidly obese. kind of like dr. phil endorsing a diet. please. i'm fat, but i'm not as fat as dr. phil. people keep this mind, "don't take dieting advice from obese people. they obviously have missed the boat." in fact, they may have eaten the boat, the passengers, and the food on board.

i only lost 2 lbs. this past week. sure i'm disappointed, I was expecting at least 5 lbs., but i still have less body fat than dr. phil, oprah, and john hagee. that's right, i threw oprah in the mix.

why would anyone take dieting advice from a fat person? stupid junky whore.

So I weighed Cosmo and Oz today. Cosmo is 16bls. and Oz is 15lbs. I thought there would be a bigger difference in Cosomo's favor, but who knew?

i actually thought there would be at least 2 lbs. difference, but my ass got fooled.

and when the sky is starless. once in a million years a lady like her rises. your life knows no answer. your life knows no answer. rhiannon. rhiannon. rhiannon. rhiannon. rhiannon. rhiannon. she rings libe a bell in the night. wouldn't you love to love to love her. she lives her life like bird in flight. who would be her lover? rhiannon. rhiannon. rhiannon. rhiannon. rhiannon. rhiannon. taken by. taken by the wind. dreams unwind love's a state a mind. dreams unwind. loves a state of mind. dreams unwind. still it's hard to find. i know. dreams unwind, still it's hard ot find. dreams unwind, still it's hard to find. take me like the wind. take me like the sky. all the same. all the same. all the same. rhiannon. all the same. alll the same. rhiannon. and he still cries out for her, "don't leave me now."

i think she could sing anything or just look at me and i would be happy.

I loves me some stevie nicks. i've commentated on her concerts at nicksfix.com. i've sent birthday wishes and christmas wishes. i seriously would like to hear from her in person before i die. would i wet my pants? there's a good chance. would i never forget it? absolutely. what a compliment. i would never forget meeting her.

does my book have sales potential? if not, please be honest so i can quit chasing the dream.

i'll resolve myself to doing boring, customer service work if i find out that it's not going to sell, but in my mind, i think it will. i need honest feedback from those who have read it. but only if i'm still talking to you. if i'm not still talking to you,then go away.

and with that i'll say, "good night. sleep tight. and may your dreams come true."

2006-01-28T02:56:00.001-05:00

Aretha is great! A voice of a lifetime. The voice of a many generations. An original.

Aretha Sings the Blues. Damn, what a recording.

You know who else sings the blues? Janis Joplin. Just listen to Janis sing "Little Girl Blue", "Summertime" or "Me and Bobby McGhee" and tell me that she hasn't lived, loved, and lost.

Of course, there's always BB King and Buddy Guy too.

Bette Midler sang the blues in "The Rose". Just listen to her singing, "When a Man Loves a Woman" or "Stay with Me."

Beth Hart sings the blues. Check out, "Am I the One?"

I loves me some Stevie, but I wouldn't consider her a blues singer. Although she is and always will be my favorite. Check her out at www.nicksfix.com.

I love the blues, but I loves me some Stevie even more. but tonight I'm listening to the blues.

I'm not blue. I'm just listening to them.

Aretha is singing now. Next will be BB King, then Buddy Guy. because i loaded my cd player with nothing but the blues.

I love the honesty and compassion with the blues.

So I'm making my Christmas list early, but if any of you want to get me a Christmas present or an early Christmas present you may want to consider checking out this link:

http://www.akc.org/breeds/norfolk_terrier/index.cfm

However, I would like to mention that you should also be prepared to be me a house with a yard or a townhouse with a yard.

If I ever achieve homeownership status I think I may get a dog. Possibly the one mentioned above.

If not one of those then maybe a...http://www.akc.org/breeds/boxer/index.cfm or a http://www.akc.org/breeds/bulldog/index.cfm or possibly a http://www.akc.org/breeds/miniature_schnauzer/index.cfm and if not one of the ones above then one of these: http://www.akc.org/breeds/dachshund/index.cfm

I think I've decided against one of these: http://www.akc.org/breeds/italian_greyhound/index.cfm because they vomit a lot and ten to be excessivley needy. However, if I get one of these I want a blue and white one.

But for now and until I have a place of my own I'm not making any changes. The links above are more like a wish list than a reality list. Although I have no reason to believe that my wish list will not become a reality list because I'm good enough. I'm smart enough and doggonit, people like me.

I wanna 'pologize for what went down at school yesterday.

and now back to what's important. Me.

However, me (I) am tired and need to go to bed.

later

2006-01-28T02:56:00.000-05:00

2006-01-22T01:32:00.000-05:00

Stevie's second sexiest moment is when she sings, "Gold Dust Woman". Just be a Stevie fan and try to watch it on The Dance without getting excited and turned on.

And that's all i've got to say about that.

So now I'm going to get a pack of cigarettes although I typically don't smoke, but i feel like smoking tonight.

Later

2006-01-22T00:24:00.000-05:00

I dare you to find a sexier woman than Stevie Nicks singing Silver Springs. I swear her movements, her voice, her presence, her mystique, her persona, her just being her. Damn, I just can't explain it. She is truly a once in a lifetime treasure.

Just read the lyrics as copied and pasted from www.nicksfix.com:

You could be my silver spring....Blue-green..colors flashin'I would be your only dream.....Your shinin' autumn....ocean crashin'....Don't say that she's pretty....and did you say that she loves you...?Baby I don't wanna know.
So I'll begin not to love you...Turn around, you'll see me runnin'I'll say I loved you years ago...And tell myself you never loved me....No......Don't say that she's pretty....And did you say that she loves you...?Baby, I don't wanna know....Oh no.....And can you tell me...was it worth it....?Baby, I don't wanna know..
Time cast a spell on you...you won't forget me...I know I could've loved you but you would not let me....
Time cast a spell on you...but you won't forget me...(I was such a fool)I know I could've loved you, but you would not let me..(Give me one more chance)I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you..(Haunt you)You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you..
Repeat....ad lib....

It's the intensity that she sings this song that makes it so magical. Was I just a fool. You'll never get a way from the sound of the woman that loves you. I'll follow you down to the sound of my voice will haunt you.

Just too intense for words to describe.

Seriously, if anyone ever reads this and has connections that would let me meet her, I would be forever in your debt if you could arrange that.

Several years ago when I was living in San Diego, a newsman from Fox news said he could get me back stage. I'll say this, "Liar!" He got my hopes built up and did I get back stage? No. I hope the foundation on which he stands crumbles. How could anyone lie about having me meet Stevie.

Please, if anyone is listening, reading, or cares, do what you can to make this happen. In return, you'll hve the knowledge of knowing that you have provided me with a moment that I will never forget. I'll even quit drinking from aluminum cans to avoid getting alzheimers so that I can remember the moment.

In fact, at my funeral why don't we just make this happen, Stevie singing Silver Springs, even if it's just from The Dance dvd being played. So do we all understand? I want Stevie singing Silver Springs at my funeral even if it is just a recorded version from The Dance. Don't just do the music, I'm requesting the visual.

And with that request, I'll make another request, if anyone ever reads this who knows Stevie, please send her the following link:

http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=15948230

It's just me adoring her in this message.

So now it's coming up with a plan of making all of this happen. Making my dreams of meeting her come true. Hell, I'd be her butler, her chaufer, her chef, her concubine, her plaything...

I just need to meet her.

Now that I've made my request, I'll anticipate our meeting.

2006-01-12T02:43:00.000-05:00

Freedom fighters.

Spearmint.

cat shit.

papa smurf.

crazy kitty.

bringing in the sheep. bringing in the sheep.

conjure.

oh no.

pudding pops.

i met bill cosby when i was selling laboratory equipment on the set of his after "The Cosby Show" and before the i'm still married to claire, but we are poor and have different names show. i got to be an extra in one of the scenes.

he was like a giant talking pez dispenser.

crack whores.

hairy moles.

why does cosmo talk to himself when he shits? he makes these meow/trill sounds whenever he shits. then he jumps back and forth from litter box to litter box while he's talking to himself. what do you think he's saying? Maybe something like, "damn this is going to feel good" or "damn, i hope this doesn't stink too badly." If only these walls could talk. well, if they could, my ass would be out of here. i don't want to be around talking walls. that would scare the shit out of me and i can't help but to wonder if the walls would say, "damn, that's going to feel good" or damn, i hope that doesn't stink too badly." well we may never know the answers.

but i do know this. roses are red. violets are blue. sugar is sweet. and sugar is one of my favorite foods.

someone stole about tree fidy in change from my desk drawer at work and i can't help but to wonder if it's the sea monsta.

but someone did steal some loose change, maybe $2 or $3 from my desk drawer and i hope he/she buys soured milk with it and drinks it and then spits it out of his/her nose. or catches a vicous case of:

a. crabs
b. heart worms
c. burning in hell.

i think i hear aliens. i'll bet there's a crop circle and a half tomorrow in the produce aisle of harris teeter.

it may not be aliens. it may be indian music. not the feather on head indian, but dot on the forehead kind. some live across the hall from me and maybe they're having a hindu party. can you believe they didn't invite me? I should stagger over there and give them a piece of my mind. but only the part that's turned to mush.

mush! mush! isn't that what the dude in rudolph who took rudolph and herbie to the land of misfits said, when he wanted his dogs to move. mush! mush!

and now i will mush! mush! to brush my teeth and then go to bed.

2006-01-08T03:21:00.000-05:00

it doesn't matter what it is.

it doesn't matter what you dream. it's that you dream. and that's my dream. to dream.

i want my job back, please.

what about the dream?

dreams are for fools. i'm cold and hungry; i want a warm place to crap.

if you're going to reach for a star. reach for the lowest one you can.

i keep hearing booms. i wonder if we're being bombed?

so i stood out on my balcony to see what i could see. and i didn't see any bombs or hear them anymore.

could i be a writer for television shows?

i think i could.

now what made me leave there again? the fires. oh, that's right. the fires. that scared the shit out of me. it's like the 50's or 60's girl group used to sing, "nowhere to run to baby. nowhere to hide." that's what the fires felt like. it was four days of hell and another 2 days of the outer limits of hell.

it is our destiny. the field of glory is no place for the malformed. why don't you try you luck with something less eyeball challenging?

eight out of ten with ten being the highest. and nine out of ten with ten being the highest.

i, why?

why me?

a conversation from earlier this week.

cat shit.

need to wash and wax my truck. in a real bad way.

sometimes i suck my stomach in to remember what it was like when i was thin. but then i have to breath and i see what i'm like now.

maybe soon. i'll loose weight. but then again. maybe i won't.

one of the best cheeseburgers i have ever eaten was on hwy 8 east, somewhere in arizona. it all but looked deserted, but damn was that a good cheeseburger. there were a lot of people eating there, but where in the hell did they live? it was flat and there were only a few visible houses. where did these damned people come from? was it the twilight zone? well, regardless, the cheeseburger was good.

even if it was fixed by aliens.

well. i have to go for now.

because i do.

later

2005-12-28T23:29:00.000-05:00

Now this Toga being stolen thing pisses me off. See headline below:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051220/ap_on_re_eu/toga_the_penguin

Seriously people, give the penguin back. He's not yours and will die without his parents. In fact, he may already be dead.

Now I don't get worked up over too many things, but this penguin thief really pisses me off.

I hope one day you have a baby and some penguins steal it and let it die. I know they can feed it to a Leopard seal and by doing so will save themselves and their baby and your baby will be Leopard seal shit.

This is just nonsense.

I'm not passionate about much, but dammit, Toga shouldn't have been stolen.

shut up fat ass!

don't screw around with the belt sander.

tweek's gonna fight craig.

come on tweek. he's only got one arm.

you must wearn dishapine and wespect. wet us begin.

2005-12-26T21:32:00.000-05:00

Don't touch the dog. Don't wipe your feces on the lampshade.

The Down's lost a child and I lost a turtle. Which is a greater loss? I don't know, but I do know this. Come Monday morning. Everybody is going to have pity on me and that's got to be worth something.

Let's all go down to the river. There's a man. Walking on the water. Come along with me. Oh, I want to see that man walking on the water. Etta James can sang. Jesus is the man on the water. changes the water into wine. He can make the lame walk. He can make the dumb talk. Open up the eyes of the blind. Let's all go down to the river. There's a man walking on the water. Come along with me. Oh, I was to see that man. Walking on the water.

funky beat. funky funky funky beat. funky beat. funky, funky, beat.

don't wipe your feces on the lampshade.

I wanna pologize.

It was very very cold back home. it's also cold here, but not very very cold, and not quite very cold. the way i'm hearing very in my head is more like this. vury.

I still don't know who Murray is when he is blessed at family dinners. We're not even Jewish.

funky beat. funky funky beat. funky beat. funky funky funky beat.

it doesn't matter when you get here. just what time.

clearly it's a monkey's paw.

damn. i can't believe that tomorrow is tuesday and i have to work. i hate this new schedule. there's not fucking weekend with it. there should be. sunday and monday, but it never seems to exist. at least not by my time.

oh hell. i can't do this.

2005-12-22T00:31:00.000-05:00

jihad. jihad.

bogga booga.

why don't we outsource some more of our jobs to the enemy.

can you say this, "duh, big red truck?"

I thought so.

Jihad. jihad.

buddah, buddah,

booga booga

ali baba

ali baba

no i won't take you granted. these broken arms won't hold you. no i won't take you for granted. echoing on it all. i'm hiding on the water. my innocence got washed away.

if you could only hear or read the full lyrics, because i'm missing so many when trying to type.

www.bethhart.com

first song on the dvd, live at the parasidia.

hold on. your soul will rise again. hold on. your soul will rise again. i know that it will. your soul will rise again. you know that someone will give a damn. you say you got a feeling. alright.

you gotta hear. you just gotta hear it.

she goes from bluesy, all but gospel, to fun with delicious surprise.

it's a delicious delicious surpise. baby.

i've been thinking about san diego a lot lately. and sombrero's mexican restaurant. and roberto's. and el pollo loco. and el senor's and sunshine. and sunny days. and warm, wonderful weather. and the casino/outlet mall with concerts in the center court. can't think of the name. oops, just thought of it. viejas. and i still have some shirts and jeans that i bought there., but i've gained too much weight to wear those jeans.

i prayed earlier today. it was the first time in a long time.

i love this top, but my right boob just wants to keep saying hello.

where you going girl. what you think you're trying to do. who loving girl? what in the hell's gotten into ou?

you were the talker. i was the clown.

so i got a christmas card and one of my friends thought it was from one of my nephews because of the writing on it. but it was really from my cousin in his early 30's.

so i laughed and laughed outloud and to myself.

where's the sun?

it's been cloudy here.

cloudy sucks.

i was looking at apartments in las vegas and scottsdale online last night and saw all of the blue sky, sunny backgrounds and wondered what in the fuck was i thinking?

cold and cloudy v. warm and sunny. duh big red truck.

i think i'm becoming a minority.

you try to get a job the way i look.

i had to backspace to put the "y" in "way" because i first typed ''wa".

so i'm actually pretty much mispelling everything right now. i'm saving as a draft and will come back shortly or i'll post it when i want to.

i'm just typing because i have fingers.

now that's funny in some way shape or form.

and shit comes to me. there's nothing i can do. hit me so hard. yet i am free. hold the anger. won't let you fly. i'll remember. i'll remember. mama i'll get by. i'll get by.

damn, beth hart rules.

i'm confused by my own illusion. even my own solutions. won't here my mama cry. i'll remember. i'll remember. i'll get by. i'll get by.

and now for a pee break.

jihad. jihad.

booga. booga.

do you have a dot on your forehead?

or are you an aramapu indian?

can anyone tell me wat television show "aramapu indian" is from?

the winner gets absolutely nothing but the satisfaction of knowing he/she knew.

imagine if you see the view of my world without you? it don't matter what i do in a world without you.

more beth hart,

but who actually knows when she ends and i begin. i'm sure some of you do.

i should either put my socks back on or turn up the heat.

so i turned up the heat.

hello melissa.

and i think i still need my socks.

my feet still feel cold, even with the heat turned up.

taquito too hot to eat. laying on my lap. thank you levi strauss for jeans than keep a hot taquito from burning.

i don't like my new schedule. i prefer the old schedule.

taquito still hot.

dammit taquito. be cooler.

president bush was like, sure we spied on americans?

i ain't that bad. i just play rough. i ain't that sad. but i'm sad enough. i wanna love. i wanna live. i don't know what to do. can the damage be undone? I swore to god that i'd never be what i've become. i leave the light on. i still leave the light on.

sorry. i know some of this is a repeat from other blogs.

so in order to stop duplicating...

...later

jihad. jihad.

i'm back.

and now i'm leaving again.

jihad. jihad.

later

jihad. jihad.

not so much this one:

http://movies.msn.com/movies/gallery.aspx?photo=614784&gallery=10492#photos

more this one:

http://movies.msn.com/movies/gallery.aspx?photo=614788&gallery=10492#photos

and now i'm going to bed. at least for now.

jihad. jihad.

who?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/20051221/en_celeb_eo/18016

cares.

it took me three times to spell cares. first it was ceres. then it was scares, then honestly i laughed. then i spelled cares.

exactly.

good night.

2005-12-19T02:37:00.000-05:00

octopusswha.

mother placed the curse on me. said, princess clara.

my octopusswha is a kind and gentle creature.

do you hear me? do you care? dale bozzio, missing persons.

bruce springsteen, born in the usa.

katrina and the waves, "i'm walking on sunshine."

the b-52s, love shack.

now tell me those aren't feel good songs.

the pusswha.

love shack. love shack. it's a little ol place where we can get together. love shack baby. love shack. baby love shack.

now that's a feel good song.

la la lavia. baby you got something on me. as sung by foxie love on drawn together because that's funny and i dont' care who you are.

if you do that again. i'll call your home phone.

it's 3:02am. do you know where your children are?

lAla la la lavia. baby you got something on me.

charlie.

replacement.s

not equal.

charlie.

breeder.

dead.

but what about charlie?

talk about tragic.

it's just not right.

thank god you not for real real. just fro play play.

regrets:

1. not moving to phoenix.

2. not going on antidrepressants sooner.

3. not for real real. just for play play.

4. losing charlie too soon.

5. not for real real. just for play play.

6. take me home. country roads. for staying there so long.

ling ling. you want honor.

so anyway. my question is, "whaz up?" but don't lick a frog. it's just wrong. ling ling. don't lick a frog. unless you have a crystal ball, a quigia board. mispelled, white trash. fire works. wal-mart. san ysidro. sand diego.

las vegas. leaveing las vegas. moving to las vegas. living in los angeles. probably not. living in charlotte. maybe. living in las vegas. could be. living in ph0enix. who knows. but i do know this.

well i don't know much. but i know that i love you. and that's all i really need to know.

break the silence. damned the dark damned the lies.

i can still hear you saying. you will never break. never break. never break. never bre4ak the chain.

chain. chain. chain. keep us together. chain. chain. chain. keep us together. chain. chain. chain...chain of fools.

women they will come. and they will go. when the rain washes you clean you'll know.

if i didn't talk enough today. let's try to talk today or tomorrow.

have you any dreams you'd like to sell me. lonlieness drives you mad. in the memory of what you had. and what you lost. what you had. and what you've lost. when the rain washes you clean. you'll know.

players only love you when they're playing for you. when the rain washes you clean. you'll know.

yet how many have missed the boat. i'll say all but one.

good night.

2005-12-16T02:01:00.000-05:00

but who knew a taquito could be so hot? each character was typed with one finger but one. do you know who? or what? it is ?

think about it. i haven't.

i don't mean hot as in chickadeeboomboom, but hot as in, did that just out of the oven?

ling ling.

toot.

foxy love.

captian hero.

spanky pig or hog or something.

bla, what's s bla? what's your cousin? it's no reason to be emparrassed by your cousin.

so i got this christmas card back today with a return to sender stamp on it with a yellow sticker that said, foward time exp rtn to send

then the name and address.

so i had already paid for this stamp and they even knew the address to send it thanks to 9 1 1. and although they know where to send it, they want me to resend it and spend another .$.37 for a stamp to support the war that i don't support, not the soldiers, they are doing what they are told and paid to do, but to support the war over weapons of mass destruction that aren't destructive.

waive ling ling.

because they aren't there. so i'll gladly pay another $.37 so the war with iraq can go on for another 1/604876565 of a second.

or something like that.

are you crazy? they'll hear us.

read me. worship me. that's a joke so lighten up. i in no way shape (of a mountain gorilla) form (of a mud puddle). the biggest loser of the superfriends.

granted, there many lame super friends, but the wonder twins. they are pathetic. they are like asian twins with special, but remedial special powers to turn to an animal or a water thingy.

i'm saving a draft because i have things to do. i'll keep you posted as to whether i come back or whether i say tootles.

and now i'm back from doing things that i had to do. and i also ate another taquito.

bla.

so anyway, i have to resend a card that i've already paid to send and sent it to the same address as i did about one year ago and now have to pay another $.37 because a Rt. changed to a street more than six months ago. talk about timing. christmas cards one year to a rt and that's okay. no contact for about a year and because of 9/11 i'm supposed to know the new address? stamps are profit. pretty much pure profit.

remember gold bond and green stamps?

2005-12-12T00:03:00.000-05:00

and the whammy goes to...

The Dukes of Hazzard for the worst movie of the year. Yes, I rented it. What was I thinking? Not only did I rent it, but I watched all of it. It was so bad within the first 15 minutes, I thought that clipping my toenails would have been more interesting.

and accepting the award for the worst movie of the year are some previous winners from tonight, Jessica Simpson (worst supporting actress), Willy Nelson (worst supporting actor), and the guy that plays Stiffler on American Pie (worst actor).

I'm not sure who won worst actress, i must have been in the bathroom when i made up that award.

Hold on, I've got it, Jessica Alba in the Fantastic Four. It was the whole passing out scene that got to me. she was an invisible shield so hard she passed out. now that's some intensity.

stevie nicks never looks sexier than she does when she's singing gold dust woman.

do you know some people are now publishing "Blooks"? It's a book of blogs. so i could like publish my blogs in a book and call them blooks.

although the word blooks just sounds strange to me so i'm not sure i want anything to do with a blook.

i'm not sure we should keep making up words. there are already too many to possibly know what each one is.

and for other entertainment news. narnia made a lot of money this weekend at the box office. but with a name like narnia i'm surprised because it's strange like blook.

in the dukes of hazzard about the only things that were actually like the tv show were the names, the town, and the car. other than that, it wasn't much like the tv show at all. boss hog was tall and smart, roscoe wasn't a bubbling idiot, okay so enus still was, but jessee wasn't a pothead on the tv show and willy (uncle jessee) was smoking pot from an apple. it was just so bad that i feel sharing it with others will help me recover faster. when you cry, you cry alone (not really. i can explain), but when you laugh the whole world laughs with you. first of all that's bullshit. my mom will cry with you. for pretty much any reason. you cry in front of her and she's going to cry with you. secondly, the world doesn't laugh with you and neither do all of the people in the world.

he's got the whole world in his hands. he's got the whole wide world in his hands. he's got the whole world in his hands. he's got the whole world in his hands. mahalia jackson style.

the duke boys were also running moonshine in the movie. uncle jessee cooked it up, and daisy just talked about her undercarriage.

it was truly a terrible movie.

but i saw another bad movie the other evening, "The March of the Penguins". i really thought i would like it because i typically like wildlife movies, but i've seen more interesting shows about penguins on public television and i didn't have to pay $3.99 at blockbuster to see them. first of all, morgan freeman didn't sell it as the narrator. he just wasn't passionate about the penguins. he didn't have to film them in antartica where the temperature was more than 56 below zero. so his involvement was the money he got paid for lending his voice, but who will be the voice of the penguins? anyway, it was just a bit boring without the penguin passion as the narrator.

morgan freeman used to be on the electric company and now he's a real actor. he's even won an academy award, don't look for a repeat winner with his lack of interest narrating. i know, why don't he and ashley judd play in a movie together where she is a victim wanting revenge and he is a retired policeman that she trusts to help. how many times have they done this one now?

although i have to admit, the march of the penguins was better than the dukes of hazzard.

but then again so was a play i was in when i was in second grade. all i remember is i was a chinese man in the play and phil was the emperor. imagine me. a chinese man. that still makes me laugh. the teacher used colored chalk to draw dark lines from my eyes to give them the appearance of being slanted. i wonder if chinese children do the same play and draw circles around their eyes to look american?

but an american can look so many different ways. but i'm sure in the 70's doing the round eyes would have been okay since we weren't as diverse.

do you know, i just realized that i still don't like of the people i didn't like in 2nd grade? and i'm not holding a grudge from anything they did. i just don't like at least 2 people from 2nd grade. i won't say how old i am, but i will say this. i'm older than a 20 year class reunion. teresa and stephanie. they were bitches in the 2nd grade and probably still are.

and so i took a movie break to watch Havoc. Not a bad movie. Not great, but better than dukes of hazzard.

and now i'm tired so i'm going to bed.

2005-12-09T01:58:00.000-05:00

and the cows went crazy.

and can i get an amen to this:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051208/bs_nm/food_coke_outlook_dc_2

Not!

jump the shark. mudshark. racist. pig. politician. preacher. lawyer. doctor. indian chief. cracker. whitey. darky. brownie. and punch and pie. and that's all i've got to say about that. makes me glad i drink pepsi. but that's really only because of the taste.

word.

do you think there is anything to this bird flu?

will it be a yearly shot like the flu vaccine or a one time only shot like the pnemonia vaccine, which used to only be good for five years. i forgot the product number for pneumonia pneumacoccal ( i typed coccal). however, opv 1132 (10 pk) and 1133 (50 pk). rochephin may have been 60. fluzone may have been 149.

cindi. cindi. cindi. something's wrong here.

cindi. this bitch is messing up my floor. get up you little ugly bitch. oh, i'm whipping her ass cindi.

scary movie 3.5 sho is some funny sheot.

but then again so are scary movie and scary movie 2. i now own all of the scary movies. thanks mom and dad for the christmas gifts. i already had scary movie 2, but you bought scary movie and scary movie 3.5, as well as jackass, the movie. but jackass the movie was on sale and i couldn't say no. these movies all make me laugh and what is more important than laughter? well, beside me.

my sweet sweet brenda. she looks so peaceful.

turn the beat around. got to feel percussion. turn the beat around. feel the beat. feel the beat. turn it upside down. feel the beat, feel the beat. turn it upside down. turn the beat around. got to feel percussion. turn the beat around. turn it up. turn it up turn it upside down.

so anyway. anywhere, anyhow, who? cares! and can i hear some whobody? whobody!

this is the best i've felt all week.

and i'll second that emotion!

i've been missing san diego lately. the sun. the temperature. the zoo. the mexicans. the sun. the temperature. living there was truly nice. i've got me some memories of some san diego.

and then i saw anchor man on hbo tonight and recognized some of the sceens and scenes in sandiego. such as the coranodo hotel, as well as downtown.

but i didn't watch the whole movie because i wanted to watch scary movie and scary movie 3.5.

and my ionic breeze air purifier is making staticicky noises so i'm taking a break to wipe the blades off.

is you crazy? is you crazy? queen latifah asked that in scary movie 3. and that's some funny shit. is you crazy? is you crazy? other than a lot of people say, you was crazy and don't think shit about that, but know that is you crazy is wrong. so let me say this, you was crazy is just the past tense of is you crazy. and i'm not saying names, but you know who you are. the same that say it don't but would laugh at others saying yes it do.

is charlie sheen really that short or is michael jackson really that tall? I don't know. but i do know this. come monday morning, everyone is going to have pity on me and that's got to be worth something.

bird flu = swine flu? i don't know, but who's to say? but i do know this. come monday morning. everyone is going to have pity on me and that's got to be worth something.

turn the beat around. got to feel percussion. turn the beat around. turn it up. turn it up. turn it upside down.

comso is a giant. my guess is oz will be fat by the time he's 3. He's only about 1 yr and 9 months now. so in less than a year and a half, i think oz will be fat. comso will be heavier, but he's taller and longer. oz will be chunky fat. Remington will still be chubby, and Maxwell will still be the smallest. he hissed at the carpet powder i sprinkled yesterday. that made me laugh. the carpet powder and i were both amused.

i think i can feel my nipple.

not really my nipple because i'm typing and not feeling my nipple. but i heard, " i think i can feel my nipple" in scary movie 3.5 so i'm still laughing. that's funny no matter what language you speak.

what are my dreams? if yo're going to reach for star. reach for the lowest one. i'm going to work at the artificial flower plant plant.

if only i could.

i'm so glad we had this time together. just to have a laugh and sing a song. and before you know it and we just get started. comes the time we have to say so long. can anyone guess what television show had this being sung at the end? my guess is yes. yes. many of you can.

2005-11-30T01:18:00.000-05:00

if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills. well maybe. the landslide will bring you down. well well. the landslide will bring you down. well, well. the landslide will bring you down.

thank you lindsey. thank you stevie.

i thought i just smelled cat shit, but none of the cats have recently been to the litter box and lola isn't here.

lola smelled like cat shit. just pretend scratch your hand in the air like you're a cat covering cat shit in front of me or my younger brother and we'll both know you've met lola.

her name was lola. she was a showgirl. at the copa. copa cabana.

she was also cat shit. cat shit cabana.

i remember my mother would always try to hush me and my brothers if we were making fun of somebody, but she would kind of whisper it, like the person we were making fun of could here us.

the joys of paranoia and the effects on children. news at a 11:00.

i was just thinking about the movie the sixth sense and the "I see dead people" line, yet i turned it into, "I see crazy people" and the cornacopia full of fruit cakes, i've met at church over the years flooded my fragile little mind. there's cat shit, papa smurf, kermit the frog, the chair fucker, dadumdumdumdumdumda, i've never begged for money, 'god bless you (with squinty eyes), he's a ham, beautiful bunnies, purple shoes, miss round belly, crazy kitty, and your parents left a check for me.

trust me there are others, butter the blue sky, god told me not to cut my hair until my wife came back to me with my son.

i've got to stop. the next thing you know, i'll call them fucking idiots. well since i've laid it out there, let's finish it. they were fucking idiots. of course, i actually met more than one to know about all of the others so i couldn't be the sharpest knife in the drawer. okay okay. let's be fair about this. i could possibly be a fucking idiot too. after all, look how many i named, and still could keep going. but for the sake of argument and my embarassment. i'm stopping at the god told me not to cut my hair until my wife came back to me with my son.

now this time it's for real.

oz just dumped a mean shit. i'll be back in a minute. this has to go away.

okay i'm back now.

if you wake up and don't want to smile and it takes just a little while. don't stop. thinking about tomorrow. don't stop. it will soon be gone.

surprised. it wasn't a stevie lyric. but she is singing backup vocals.

fleetwood mac was lucky to have her. lucky to have her i say.

www.nicksfix.com

their only number one single, "Dreams". their first top 40, "Rhiannon" (I think, not on the their only number one single, 'dreams". i know that. i think on the their first top 40.

and america this is your top 40 by casey casum. is he dead? I can't remember.

oh well. i need to fast forward through christine mcvie warbling song bird. it's so bad. the song. her voice on this song. bad things. very bad things. she wouldn't have made it to the top 16 on american idol with the way that song sounded on the "The Dance" dvd.

now i know you are probably thinking. isn't he a little old to be watching american idol? and of course i am. but that still doesn't stop me.

hell, i'm probably a little old not to have grey hair and wrinkles, but i don't. why i don't look a day over 38. on a good day, i could probably pass for 35.

well, i'm sleepy now. good night.

btw, one of my peers at work asked me this today, "do this look okay?"

I'll leave you with that thought.

2005-11-27T02:21:00.000-05:00

baby got back and i cannot lie. probably not the words to that stupid song, but then again, you never know. why are there so many languages in america? the official language is english. learn it or do without. tell you what. if i move to your third world country, i'll learn your language before i get there.

baby got back and i cannot lie.

shake your groove thing. shake your groove thing. yeah, yeah. show them how to do it now. shake your groove thing. shake your groove thing.

and i'm guilty. i am guilty now. and i'll be guilty for the rest of my life. how come i never knew. what i'm supposed to know now. and when i try to do it. it turn out right. hey. hey. hey. you know how it is with me motherfucker. it takes a whole lot of medicine darling. for me to pretend. that i'm somebody else.

it's getting cold here. pissy shitty cold.

pissy shitty. pissy shitty.

i was thinking today that growing up baptist how funny it was that if you had a drink of liquor, you were sealing your fate to hell, but judging, criticizing, and being unfriendly was ok. we used to sing hymn 240 most sundays; "Just as I am". If we didn't sing that one it was, hymn 238, "Softly and Tenderly". usually the 1st and 3rd stanzas.

i don't know what to do. can the damage be undone. i swore to god that i'd never be what i've become. i leave that light. i leave that light. i leave the light on. god bless the child with a dirty face. she cuts her luck with a dirty ace. she leaves the light on. i still leave the light on.

all herbs are not created equal. for example. parsley is different than mint. rosemary is different than thyme. time and tide. nothing or no one could slow us down. time is different than not time. skunks are differnt than skanks.

i'm still afraid to be alone. i wish that the moon would follow me home. i leave the light on. i leave the light on.

sharks are different than whales. whales are different than wells. and wells and different than well.

and if i could. you know i'd stand on the rock where jesus stood. walking side by side. and it lifts you up. and it puts you down. and it feeds you life. and it lets you drown. when it breaks me up inside til i refuse to hide. and it lifts you up and it puts you down. and it holds your heart and tears you down. and you know an dyou know and you know. life is what i breathe.

i was thinking about cleaning, but then i thought about not cleaning. since it's so late, i choose not cleaning.

dreams? what are my dreams?

i want to work at the artificial flower plant plant.

i think i'm falling asleep. good night.

2005-11-24T01:06:00.000-05:00

...who? cares?...http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/20051124/en_celeb_eo/17841. big fucking deal. nick and jessica are breaking up.

but here's even more important news...http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051123/ap_on_fe_st/obit_ugliest_dog_4

This fucker is ugly. but i've seen uglier. not dogs, but humans. hell, i went to school with quite a few and work with even more.

i'm alittle afraid to take a drink of my rum and coke because i had just taken a drink that i thought was rum and coke and it was only rum. i had taken a pee break after pouring the rum and just thought it was what i had left of the previous one.

have any of you been getting a lot of spam e-mail about "your password", "paris hilton & nicole ritchie" and "you've been logged"? damn over the last two days, i've been getting so much stuff in my junk mail folder that it's annoying.

palm trees are one of my favorite trees.

how many servings is a pack of mentos? I'm not saying i've just eaten the whole pack, but I am saying if i eat two more, i will have eaten the whole pack in about 15 minutes.

nothing like having focus.

setting out to get a job done and getting the job done.

btw, rum and coke doesn't taste good immediately after eating a whole pack of mentos.

so jessica and nick have broken up. i'll bet it's her dad that caused the breakup. he has mentioned her "D" cups before in interviews. I'm not saying that anything has happened but then again, i'm not saying anything has happened.

"i ain't never known a child to turn out right without a pa." (sug avery, the color purple), but that may not always be true, if the pa is having sexual relations with the child.

no one will give a damn. guess that's life. say you got a feeling. see the writing on the wall. angels on the ceilings. will calm you when you fall. no i won't take your for granted. no i want take you for granted. hear the phony laughter. echoing off the wall. can't hear the child's wander. my innocense got lost along the way. no i won't take you for granted. you don't say you will. you don't say it hurts. all the love in the world. wont' let you let go. hold on. your soul will rise again. i know that it will. hold on. your soul will rise again. i know that it will. hold on. your soul will rise again. i know that it will. you say you got a feeling. alright.

if i won me the lottery. i'd dance naked in the street. with a top hot full of money. and you'd want to get to know me. if i won me the lottery.

sorry i had gone into a beth hart mode for a few. that's www.bethhart.com. go there. buy, listen. enjoy.

i've been thinking i need a voodoo doll and ouija board. one never knows when one needs to conjure up a spirit. or poke pins in a voodoo doll to make others think you control their pain. but seriously, how funny would it be to pretend to want to conjure up a spirit to frighten others? that's all i've got to say 'bout that.

gypsies, tramps and thieves.

i went to a shakra reader one time. she read my shakras and i still don't know what she's talking about. i put my finger in a contraption thing and then a computer screen displayed a unisexual image with about six or seven, possibly more colored dots. what i pretended to learn is that i'm not really passionate about many things. but what i am passionate about. i'm passionate about. i think too much. and i can be moody. that was from my outer aura. me, moody? not when i'm fucking medicated. and i've been fucking medicated almost constantly since 2000ish.

do you realize that if i'm middle aged now, i'd have to live to be almost 80 years old. damn, that's old.

drawn together was rerun tonight.

go ahead and play that shit. motherfucker.

sometimes.

passions? what are mines? yes, i meant to type mines. but not as in land mines or coal mines. as in mines. my plural possessive in some languages.

if you're going to reach for a star. reach for the lowest one. http://www.jerriblank.com/swcquotes.html#mytop

maybe.

forever.

not always.

but at times, maybe yes.

but then again at times, maybe no.

but who's to say?

so anyway, now i'm just babbling. i may come back later and then again maybe i'll go to bed.

2005-11-23T01:59:00.000-05:00

...about nothing and nothing was thinking 'bout me. so i was a thinking about nothing and nothing was thinking 'bout me. tell me that's not a country song, destined to be a classic. "So i was thinking about nothing and nothing was thinking 'bout me." It's gonna have a real upbeat feel to it and even have it's own special dance, kind of like the boot scootin' boogy, or achy breaky heart one. you know where people dress up like dale evans and roy rogers, except not respectable. The portly women and the unportly ones will buy a pair of black wranglers about 2 sizes too small, tease the front of their bleached blonde hair as tall as it will go, smear on some blue eye shadow, tuck their black wranglers into a pair of brown cowboy boots and dance with their partner who will be dressed in matching 2 sizes too small black wranglers with a checked shirt (probably red and white) with snaps instead of buttons, with a bolo tie, and his wallet chained snuggly to his belt loop. and then they begin to swing and sway in tight jeaned movements across the dance floor or barn floor or wherever the hell, these people come up with these silly ass dances. so let me go back to my song, i no longer want a special dance for it.

happy thanksgiving eve!

you know i don't like thanksgiving all that well. where's the mystery? Christmas has Santa Clause. Easter has the Easter Bunny, even losing a tooth, which is a painful but necessary evil, even conjures the tooth fairy, but where's the excitement and mystery of thanksgiving. it's not like the thanksgiving turkey leaves a basket full of candy or a stocking full of toys, he just doesn't even make an appearance, well other than sacrificing himself/herself so that we can eat turkey and get sleepy. what a vindictive bird. imagine being able to conjure up the spirit of sleepiness from the grave. so sure, the turkey loses his/her life, but has the last laugh by causing sleepiness. granted turkies aren't known for their intelligence, so it's really not that good of a trade if you think about it. dead or napping? I'm going with napping.

cloth napkins annoy me. it's too much like wiping your mouth on the tablecloth or your sleeve. i always feel a little guilty for using a cloth napkin. what if it's permenantly stained because of something i wiped from my mouth. and who else has used that napkin before. that's just a bit personal wiping one's mouth where other's have been.

the amish also annoy me. i'm not too worried about the amish reading this and then coming after me. they don't have electricity so their computers won't work anyway. think about it. i have.

flies annoy me.

so do customer service representatives who refer to themselves as mrs. smith or ms jones or mr. johnson. i just think that's unneccessarry. if i'm calling a company, it's usually for one thing, to complain or express a concern. don't give me that uppidity mr and mrs. shit. fix my fucking problem. don't act you're all that. you're a fucking customer service rep. trust me. i know. i am too. but all i'm saying is it's a little ballsy to expect a customer to call your mr or mrs anything when you make $10.00 per hour. You know who you are so I'm not going to point fingers. annoy me that is.

stuttering annoys me too.

things i like:

stuttering; it makes me laugh.

customer service representatives who refer to themselves as mrs. smith or ms jones or mr. johnson. dumbasses and dumbasses make me laugh. don't you just want to say, "yeah, right!" when they pull that mr and mrs shit.

flies.

the amish. they have funny beards and smell bad.

cloth napkins because i can ruin a set of 8 with one big smear of blueberry cobbler. smear it on one and then the other seven are mismatched. unless you invite seven or fewer people for dinner then one could pretend to have a set of 8.

but isn't that what life's really all about, pretending? I pretend to understand how customers feel and i get paid to do it. i also pretend to apologize for any inconvenience, but i can honestly say, that i can't think of a time when i apologized to a customer and really meant it. i'm really indifferent about a customer's situation. i just want the paycheck. there i said it and it needed to be said.

good night.

2005-11-14T22:43:00.000-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=578&u=/nm/20051115/ts_nm/mideast_dc_8

I think the headline should be, "Rice snaggles to reach Gaza deal" instead of Rice haggles to reach Gaza deal". Snaggles because of her teeth. One of the most powerful women in the world and she didn't even get braces. I'm actually screaming this in my head, although when typing it seems normal. think about it. i haven't.

but seriously, condi needs orthadontia. get those gaps fixed.

if any of you know her, please let her know my thoughts, the next time you see her.

now i'm not one to judge, but she may want to consider a new hairstyle too. All i'm saying is, "Get rid of the 'That Girl' flip!"

enough about her so in; four, three, two, one and then to me.

so i've been thinking about getting my uterus scraped. not really, i don't have a uterus.

i used to like csi: miami, but now i don't, yet i won't get up to change the channel. the acting is just so bad. so overdone, so melodramatic...

...so batman. not the movie, but the television series. you know with the "Crash, Pow Bam!"'s kind of overacting bad.

if i would only get my fat ass up, i could change the channel, but it's like i'm stuck in the chair and can't get up.

suzi kwan.

hong chong, ding dong.

so i'll be getting a coupon for a free pack of glad trashbags, just like i said i would. i contacted them via their website, explained the rip in the side issue, and said something about how much i love using glad trashbags, and received an apology via e-mail with the promise of the coupon. i've saved the e-mail in case i don't have the coupon within about seven business days, i'll contact them again with the e-mail for proof of the free coupon.

i think i'll switch back the the glad force flex. granted they're not as tear proof as stated on television in their ads because my fingers have ripped them before when taking out the trash (yakaty yak. don't talk back). but at least the sides don't tear out of them.

so a lot has happened in the last few minutes. i peed, and then since my fat ass was up, i put in strangers with candy. but now i'm back in school and though the faces may have changed. the hassles are just the same.

listen sir fags a lot. your jinx cannot touch me.

i got some pictures back of my cats, the boys: remingtons, maxwells, cosmos, and ozs.

"do i know you? are you a cop?

no we had sex in the back of my cab.

there must be some mistake. i feel fine. other than the burning sensation and discharge.

cab drivers."

now that's some funny shit. i don't care who you are. the do i know you part through drivers.

well, it's some funny shit unless you're somebody who you know who you know who you are.

ozs wass havings troubles withs as furballs.

i got up off of my fatass, again, to make sure hes wass okays.

suzi kwan.

hong kong, ding dong.

do a lot of people die of the syphylis?

historically it's right up there with the germans. who wiped out the roman olives. in fact, rumor has it that fidel castro dressed up as marilyn monroe and infected president kennedy with a case of syphylis so bad, it eventually blew out the back of his head.

i'm laughing so hard right now. this damn show cracks me up.

suzi kwan eats wice a woni. the san fwansico tweat.

i wonder if she races her hand down a wall saying, "fasta, fasta!" with her tiny little sloped eyes opening as widely as they could, to say it.

probably not.

showers, rains, snows, sleets, and hails. things things will fall from the sky. fall from the sky. fall from the sky. and then it will stop. and the sun will shine again. shine again. shine again. and the sun will shine again and chase a cloudy day away.

use that if you need it. for a poem, a song, or an eraser.

it's just me trying to bring some light into a very dark world and that's why i penned that little diddy about the showers, rains...

there was a loud talker at toysrus today. she was really irritating me with her loud talk. i know you're thinking, maybe she was hard of hearing. well, i don't think so. i looked at her ears to see if she had hearing aids and i didn't see any. so either learn what your inside voice is bitch or stay the hell home.

so let's add loud talkers to my list of dislikes. and just because i dislike loud talkers doesn't mean i like soft talkers either. they piss me off too.

you know not everyone in the store, toysrus, needed to know she was there. bitch.

well i need a snack so i'm going for now.

2005-11-11T00:46:00.000-05:00

mother fucker. cocoaina and whiskey on my breath. but i'm something somthing. somtihng. tellll i got yo in my marem again.

meow.

meow.

i wanted salt on my magarita and i'm not leaving a tip.

hey baby let's go to vegas.

i think i should i go to vegas.

whiskey mother fucker. i've got cocaine and whistkey on my breath.

beth hart.com

r3ad th elycrics.

worship me. worship me.

so i was thinking about this pretend promotion that i got and i can't help but think, why stay in charlotte?

i'm just something doing the neutron dance. i'km just something. doing th e neurton dance.

what bug craweled up you big ass?

and then i laughed, but silently to myself which is a double somthing because if i said it silently only myself could hear it. argue that one, whill you?

come out rabbit.

get that unick.

let me see your license and registration.

go for it.

move ahead.

it's not too late. to whip it. whip it good.

hey baby let's go to vegas. soemting somtimne tihig somethin g somthing. chance on love this time. fatiht hill.

unce, unce, unce, unce, unce, unce, unce, unce...

techno.

music.

music.
techno.

stevie nicks,
rock a little.

sometimes it rages, even when it's calm. rock a little. just like the sea. still rock a little. say it was just like me. rock a little. and you knew you were a funny little dancer. ballerina, all what the fuck. and you were just like me. still rock a little.

go ahead lily kick it. i said go ahead lily hit it. i said rock a little. rock a little.

andk you knoew her, funny little dancer, she was trying to learn frforom her teacher. rock a little.

go ahead lilly hit it. i said back stage dancer hit it.

moneky tattoos on some lady's tit..

you gyus kick ass.

daddyt aint' that bad. he just plays rough. i leave the light on. i leave on . little girl hiding underneath the bed. i wanna love. i lannna live. i leave the light on. li leat hig on.. 17 all messed up inside. i cut myself just to fell alive. 21 on the run, on the run, on th erun , can the damage be undone. i sore to god that i'd' vevern mbe what i''ve become. i never will forget. i'm still afraid to be alone. i wish the moon would follow me hom.e= i aint' that bad, i'm just jmeesed up. i'm not that sad, but i'm sad enough.

they're almost done.

beth hart.com leave the space out and i leave the light on. i still leave the light on.

come on over here boy. puour out yuour sould. come one over her boy and puour ourt oyour sould.

comeon now an dfuck up that shit/

may your light shine a thousnand times.

ihusth hsush, eve tout that voices cary.

husyh, shush, even out therhe moveices carry.

talking head, s
devo
pate benatar (and into the 90's) go pat go.

and the 90
s then the mid life crisieseeis.
that spells, crisieses.

I can't uncook these rolled tacos.

for sure.

bubye

2005-11-09T01:56:00.000-05:00

we're running with the shadows of the night. so baby take my hand it'll be alright. surrender all your dreams to me tonight. they'll come true in the end.

oh, what a feeling. to be dancing on the ceiling. oh, what a feeling. to be dancing on the ceiling.

what a feeling. feel forever. i can't help myself and i'm dancing for my life.

fame. i want to live forever. light up the sky like a flame. fame. i feel it coming together. baby remember my name. remember. remember. fame.

relax. don't do it. when you want to get to it. relax. don't do it. when you wanna come. when you wanna come.

nell, said, "wanna" for want.

sometimes it ain't easy being cheesy.

what did the battery say to the bag of potato chips?

i'm everready if you're frit-o-lay.

i know what it's like to want to go some where but can't. to wanna sing and have it beat out cha. he ain't worf it miss celie. he ain't worf it.

i may be poor. i may be black. and i may even be ugly, but dear god, i'm here. i'm here.

point.

counter point.

jane you ignorant slut.

i'm enjoying the new season of south park and drawn together.

if you could have one superpower, what would it be?

damn, the letters on this screen are huge.

and this screen is really bright.

i've always heard that if you see a bright light, walk, run towards it. or is it that moths are attracted to light? or is it catchy little phrases are for dimwitted moths? I don't know, but i do know this.

have you ever tried to use mind control to bend a fork or make a piece of paper float?

I have.

have you ever pretended to conjure up a spirit?

I have.

but deep down, i know if i could have mind control powers like that, there would be a lot of bent forks at restaurants with poor service or crappy food. and don't even get me started on the paper cuts from the floating paper.

and now for a country song, "where have all the heros gone? oh, where have all the heros gone? can you hear the weeping willows? Sh, listen to the babbling brook. will nature be there to tell you? where have all the heros gone?

and now what will we do, when we use up all the oil? can you tell me, how will i drive my truck? and now what will we do, when we use up all the oil? can you tell me, how will i drive my truck? how am i s'posed to know unless there's a hero to tell me and please someone tell me, where have all heros gone?

oh, please spotted owl, don't go. and you too rhinoceous. please don't go. why can't you stay?"

well, i'm gwoing to bed and gwoing to bed i is.

2005-11-04T00:02:00.000-05:00

i believe the children are our future. lead them well and let them lead the way. show them all the beauty they possess inside. give them a sense of pride. to remind us how we used to be. i decided long ago. never to walk in anyone's shadow. if i fail, if i succeed. at least i'll live like i believe. no matter what they take away from me. they can't take away my dignity. because the greatest love of all is easy to believe. learning to love yourself. it is the greatest love of all.

and then the asians were born.

geishas, ninjas, crouching tigers leaping dragons or something like that. all i know is all of a sudden people could spin and fly in the air. they could also do this while fighting and i can't help but to think, what a wonderful world.

i'll be right back with ozzy osbourne after this.

and we go to commercials.

and then back to me.

so i've made fun of a lot of people today. i've made fun of almost every race, creed, origin and national color. and yet, i'm okay with that. especially the national colors. red and yellow, black and white. they are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.

i've smoked a couple of cigarettes. mercy mercy my love's in vain. and you haven't even missed me yet. push comes to shove. shove comes to love. love comes to trust and trust must come to love. working on a love letter. listening to a love song. writing you a love letter. love letter with the radio on. radio on.

it's 12:10. do you know where your children are?

that was like the commercial for detective show back in the 70's. how creepy is that?

and then i remember the village variety and the varity of villages they sold. not really. they didn't sell villages. they sold a variety of things and thought they were a village or something like that.

it feels like i'm typing in braille. i know i'm not, but the letters are huge and my fingers are small and it feels like i'm typing in braille.

love is a battlefield.

hell is for children.

we belong.

hit me with your best shot.

pat benatar

the 80's.

stevie nicks. 1981, bella donna. my soul. come in from the darkness. oh, bella donna. and you fight for the northern star. and the woman may be so awstruck. and the woman may truly care. and the woman may be so tired. oh, bella donna. my soul.

give to me your leather. take from me my lace. take from me my lace.

outside the rain and the heart skips a beat. are you lonely? creature of the night. been almost week. do you love me only? look at my eyes. touch my face.

stop dragging my heart around. baby you come knocking on my front door. same ol' knock you used to use before. stop dragging my. stop dragging my. stop dragging my heart around.

let me say this:

www.nicksfix.com

do i need to repeat myself?

www.nicksfix.com

i loves me some stevie nicks.

and i guess i always will.

do anybody want to work on saturday?

i don't.

whobody? whobody cares?

who is whobody?

let me say this and i'll provide no further explanation.

kukah and h a.

i wasn't even sure how to spell h a, so i guessed.

why does my nose look so big?

because it is.

hippies of the night. hippies of the day. hippies all the time. hippies all the way. drugs, sex, rock and roll. drugs sex, rock and roll. drugs, sex, rock and roooollll.

and now i'm not sure what i'm doing. but i do know this.

i must go for now.

don't forget to write. von voy a gee. von voy a geeee.

agee is just agree without the "r ah" "r ah"!!! think about it. i haven't, but maybe i have and then maybe again i am the wind beneath my wings.

2005-11-02T01:49:00.000-05:00

who do you love?

ever since i changed brands of cat litter, maxwell has been sitting in the litter box. not shitting in the litter boxes, well literally shitting, but sitting in it.

who do you love?

and i don't know why.

and i don't know why.

and i don't know why.

who do you love?

dear god. make me a bird. so i can fly far. far away from here.

run forest run. run forest run.

now that's a good movie. forest gump that is. granted it's no , woman thou art loosed by t.d. jakes, but it's a good movie.

faira shocka. faira shocka. dor me vue. dor me vue. salalam matina. salam matina. dor me vue. dor me vue.

and that's our french lesson for the year. my guess is you should take real french lessons, because i think i may not have all of the words right.

why is right also correct, but it can also be the opposite of the left hand? does that make the left hand wrong? i don't know. but i do know this. this is that and that can be a sometimes pretend indian and sometimes a real indian pretending to be interesting.

are there any questions i have the ability to answer? thank you.

yes. you guessed it. i just started watching and listening to strangers with candy.

hello. i'm jerri blank. 32 years ago i dropped out of high school and ran away from home.

apptitude.

dreams? what are my dreams?

i can barely focus on anything but what i'm going to do next.

what's up with that?

commercials bother me.

so do people who take too much time sitting (instead of driving) when the light turns green. now that shit pisses me some me off.

let me say this and i'll go for the evening.

good night.

2005-10-30T02:12:00.000-05:00

Booga booga! Booga booga! It's like Halloween Eve. So I was noticing on this Halloween Eve that there are a lot of scary movies on the television. And I couldn't help but to notice a few things. I think I'll share them now:

1. Jack Nicholson is probably the most talented scary movie actor ever (The Shining).
2. Kathie Bates is possibly the scariest scary movie character ever (About Schmidt, she was naked). I know you were expecting Misery, but trust me, she was much scarier naked in About Schmidt.
3. Halloween is a day when many homeless people are born. The art of begging.
4. Most scary movie actors only get the one job in a movie and then are destined for a life of insurance salespersons and/or cashiers.

I haven't bought any Halloween candy. I'll be at work and don't really want to be bothered with answering the door. Besides, I don't want to answer the door.

I watched "Bewitched" tonight. The movie with Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell, "Bewitched". It wasn't that good. I'll give it a 2 out of five stars. It just wasn't that good. I think I laughed once maybe once maybe twice.

and it lights up the night. and you see your gypsy. you see your gypsy.

cockadoodle doo.

Places I don't want to visit:

1. Camp Crystal Lake
2. Amityville
3. The Bates Motel
4. The Shining place
5. Where the Blair Witch lives
6. Any place where Michael Myers is
7. Antartica
8. Guam
9. Romania
10. Transylvania

Each for it's own reasons. None of which I care to discuss.

you can't have discussing without cussing.

"angels on the ceiling. calm you when you call. found your own religion. still naked in the kitchen. trying to wipe yourself off of the floor.

no i won't take you granite. you say it doens't matter. i'm living loud and linving long. i'm hiding under water. can't hear the child's wonder. my innocence got rushed along the way.

no i won't take you granite. no i won't take you for granite. no i won't leave you abandoned. you don't say you will. you don't say it hurts. all of the love in the world. won't let you let go.

hold on. your soul will rsie again. i know that it will. hold on. your soul will rise a gain. i know that it will. maybe someone will give a damn. you say you got a feeling. alright."

i'm feeling good right now.

if i haven't mentioned it before, and I have, check out www.bethhart.com.

where my dabby went?

who?

my dabby.

cares.

what's a dabby? is my question. is it also a pudding? that smelled like spoiled sour cream.

what do you think Rick James meant by having his backup singers called the Mary Jane Girls?

"I aint' that bad. I"m just messed up. I aint' that sad. but i'm sad enough. i wanna love. i wanna live. i swore to god that i'd never be. what' i've become. i leave that light . i leave that light. i leave the light on. god bless that child with a dirty face. she cuts her luck with a dirty ace. she leaves the light on. I still leave that light on."

hurricanes. twisters. floods. and fires. and sometimes an earthquake. snowstorms. tsunamis. homelessness. poverty. bad teeth. missing eyes. vibrating voices. cigarettes. smoke. rain on the scarecrow. blood on the plow. jack and diane. cherry bomb. paper and fire. and some others too. kind of like the professor and mary ann.

hostas. elder hostles. blueberries and cheese. tuna fish. cat food. furballs. cat shit. lola. whore. madam. pig children. crazy kitty. missing fly. never recover. never recover. never recover. never recover.

a ruuuueeee. a ruuuueeee.
sianara
tokyo

2005-10-24T23:16:00.000-05:00

Welcome everybody!

And now the news...

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=514&u=/ap/20051025/ap_on_re_us/obit_rosa_parks_12

That's right. Rosa Parks has died. She has is not only famous for passing away, she's also famous for sitting down. She was tired and took a seat.

I'm sitting down now, but am I famous? I don't think so. Famous for sitting down. Not only has she passed away and sat down, but she was also a Civil Rights Pioneer.

And who here besides me can say that about himself/herself?

There's a vaulable lesson to learn here. Sit when there's a seat and die when it's your time and you too can be a cival rights pioneer.

And now for the weather...

Florida saw it's 15th hurricane for the season as Wilma rips through with winds up to 125 miles per hour.

Is it over now? Do you know how to pick up the pieces and go home? Did she make you cry? Make you break down? Shatter your illusion of love? is it over now? do you know how to pick up the pieces and go home? Ohh, pale, shadow of a woman. ohh, pale shadow of a dragon. gold dust woman. ohh, pale shawdow of a dragon. ohh, black widow. gold dust woman. running in the shadows. running in the shadows. oh, she said something...something to me. gold dust woman.

I know what you are all thinking. Is Captain Zoloft really Stevie Nicks? To answer your question, no. no i am not stevie nicks. however, i am her biggest fan and if any of you know her, please ask her to contact me at her earliest convenience. She can even call collect.

Lightening strikes. Maybe once maybe twice. oh, and it lights up the night. and you see your gypsy. you see your gypsy.

Would anyone mind to ask Maxwell to stop crying at me? He's been unusually whiney tonight. I've asked but he just does it more.

Hey, did you hear about they guy with five dicks?

His pants fit like a glove.

Stone hinge. Easter Island. The Gallopagos. the gallopagos turtle. franklin. charlie brown. dictionary. webster. nidget...

mmm. caramel on a potato. tha't s not bad.

so when i grow up i'm thinking 'bout being a crack whore.

do canadians spell "about" like this:

A B O U T

or like this:

A B O O T
?

and if they spell it A B O U T then why do they pronounce it as, "aboot"? About is very different than footwear.

i smell and lemonade, but i don't know why? I haven't cleaned with any lemon scented products and I don't have any lemonade. Interesting.

just keep this in mind. you can't have interesting without rest. think about it. i haven't.

if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills. well maybe, the landslide will bring it down. well, well, the landslide will bring it down.

can i handle the seasons of my life? mmm mmm mmm mmm I don't know. time makes you bolder. children get older. well, i've been afraid of changing. Cause I, I built my life around you. times makes you bolder. children get older. i'm getting older too. i'm getting older too.

Damn, i loves me some Stevie.

Again, if any of you know her, ask her to contact me at her earliest convenience. I'm her biggest fan. she can even call me collect.

I'm not like that "Misery" biggest fan. that's just creepy.

pimpin' ain't easy.

you know. i can't blame rosa for sitting down. hell, the seat was empty when she got there. it didn't hurt ms. daisy to stand there. if ms. daisy where all that she'd have morgan freeman driving her to the piggly wiggly and not be taking public transportation.

would it be wrong to use a store provided scooter car when shopping at harris teeter? imagine the fun one could have driving up and down the aisles. bothering a stranger to get things off of the top shelves. and continue to follow this same stranger asking for assistance in each aisle and then running him over with the scooter car to check to the check out line first. then after asking for assistance, running him over to get to the check out line first, jump out of the scooter car, scream like a crazy person, and then run to your car while laughing.

maybe it's just me, but i can find humor in that.

you could be my silver spring. blue green oceans crashing. i said i loved you years a go. tell myself you never loved me. no. did you say she was pretty? did she say that she loved you? I don't want to know. and can you tell me was it worth it? really i don't want to know.

time casts a spell on you. but you won't forget me. i know i could have loved you, but you would not let me.

time casts a spell on you. but you won't forget me. i know i could have loved you, but you would not let me. I'll follow you down til the sound of my voice will haunt you. you'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you. i'll follow you down til the sound of my voice will haunt you. was i just a fool? you'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you. was i just a fool? i'll follow you down til the sound of my voice will haunt you. give me just a chance. never get away. never get away. never get away.

and now for my impromptu monter rock song:

"running with scissors. you'll put your eye out. running with scissors. you'll put your eye out. and then you won't be able to see. oh no. you won't be able to see.

sitting too close to the tv. oh yea. sitting too close to the tv. oh yea. you'll go blind. sha na na na na na. you'll go blind.

Chorus

and boogers will bite. yes they will. boogers will bite. and cat hair turns to worms, in your stomach. oh yea, worms in your stomach.

end chorus

Keep making that face and it will stick that way. keep making that face and it will stick that way. then you'll be a stone face. oh yea a stone face. and maybe even your countenance. and your visage. oh, yea. you heard it right. and the visage too."

I'll call this song, the mother lying blues with a hint of a pastor and random thoughts too.

tokyo

2005-10-22T00:32:00.000-05:00

...said the little lamb to the shepard boy. listen to what i say.

i've taken off my socks. free at last. free at last. thank god almighty, my feet are free at last.

at last. i've found a love. i've been looking for. at last. at last. at last.

a star, a star glistening in the night. let us bring him silver and light. let us bring him silver and light.

those aren't really the right words, but i got confused when typing them and so that's how it came out.

he said, "came." he he. he said, "came."

"came. came." "came. came."

a sky full of. a sky full of. a sky full of cloewoeoweoweowever.

I leave the light on. I leave the light on. i went from zero to minus ten.

17 and i'm all messed up inside. i cut myself just to feel alive. i leave the light on. i leave the light on. 21 on the run, on the run, on the run. must have been something i said, must have been something i done. i leave the light on. i leave the light on.

with a chick chick here and chick chick there. here a chick. there a chick. everywhere a chick chick.

my pee isn't bright yellow tonight. my multi-vitamin must have worn off. it's one of the vitamins in multi-vitamins that make bright yellow pee, but since i only worked with, but am not a one myself, scientist, i dare noy say which vitamin it is that causes bright yellow pee.

i do know what causes fat asses, but if i gave that secret away, i'd loose an entire population to make fun of.

my socks are in the floor because i took them off and now my feet are free at last. free at last. thank god almighty. i'm free at last.

so i took cosmo for a grooming today. than i took remington and maxwell for their annual checkup. the vet tech, called remington, "chunky butt" before i even pulled him out of the carrier because she remembered him from last year. so i have to give this cat, remington, antiboitics twice a day for a week, skip 3 weeks, then give him anticiotics twice a day for the fourth week to help him gingivitis. he's already scratched me and i'm only on day one. what is i supposed to do? what is i supposed to do?

maxwell had gained a pound since last year. remington had gained 1/2 lb. but the vet didn't mention putting him on a diet. he raved about his eyes and noticed his attitude. remington had thrown a go to hell look. so i told the vet that remington had thrown him the go to hell look. he said he was used to it.

if only i were president. i'd paint the whitehouse pink and never have to pay the rent.

give me something to believe in. give me a handful of salvation yall. i won't sleep til i had enough. i won't sip my wine from no paper cup. i won't sleep til i had enough. had enough. had enough.

cosmo looks so good after his grooming. he smells like baby powder.

the girl that sits across from me at work was talking about holding someone elses baby and wanting another one because they smell so good. i told her to smear some baby lotion on her hand and to get over it.

it's like the smell the baby "good" smell is in a bottle of baby lotion, which sends the ovaries of millions of women into ovaries overdrive and in one short night of fucking, a new generation is conceived. so my guess is that baby lotion is in cahoots with the man to create more babies to grow up, join the work force, have babies and have other women smell baby lotion, who in turn have a baby, baby lotion, new generation, etc, etc, etc.

oz was by himself today for about 30 minutes for the first time since i've had him. because cosmo was being groomed, remington and maxwell were at the vets and i was at the vets with remington and maxwell. Oz puts the pussy in pussycat. he's relaxed, but whiney. what kind of combination is that?

oh, i'm going to fall. fall where i am.

but before i fall, perhaps i should write another song.

"cat hair. scissors, ink pens, envelopes. cat hair. scissors. ink pens. envelopes. i can see all of these things on my desk. on my desk. woohoowho. on my desk. woohoowho. cheese whiz. cateloupes. watermelons. blueberries. horse shit. milk puss. oh, milk puss. milk puss. milk puss. chocolate milk without milk puss. and a slice 0f peacan pie. and a slice of peacan pie. and a slice of peacan pie...fade, fade, fade."

this song was written in the key of who in the fuck knows. i'll call it, country, pop, rock, blues, and disco. surely it had to be in one of those tunes. or else who is going to teach sunday school on sunday. oh i know. don't pick me. don't pick me.

bye.

2005-10-19T00:31:00.000-05:00

...am i the one? am i? am? am I? am ? am I? am i the one?

of course i am.

i'm so fucked up right now that i'm not even getting fucked. too many people worried about things out of his/her control.

am i? am? am i? am i the one?

am i? am? am i? am i the one?

talk to me baebee. talk to me baebee. am i? am? am I? am i the one?

who's to say?

but i do know this. one family loses a daughter. i lose a turtle. which is a greater loss? i dont' know. but i do know this. come monday morning. everyone in ok, tx and nm, will be praisen them some jesus.

am i the one? that you dream of? am i? am? am i? am i the one?

i think so.

later

2005-10-16T00:10:00.000-05:00

...I say we blow this fucking house up...Toot says with passion on the Comedy Central show, Drawn Together. After 1am ET, she was no longer bleeped for saying fucking. they are letting her say fucking on television and i'm laughing my fucking ass off.

Usually on anything but premium channels like, HBO, TMC and or/Showtime, you won't hear anything more than bleeping. or feeping. But i keep hearing her say, i say we blow this fucking house up. and then i laugh, because there is something fucking hilarious about a cartoon saying fucking.

this popcorn sucks. where's the fucking butter. oh that's right. but my fatass just had to buy a "healthy" microwavable popcorn because nothing says healthy more than cooking popcorn in a bag with nuclear toxins. so they put a little bit of pretend butter on this dry puffy flake of corn and call it buttered popcorn.

but to be honest, i was trying (teasing; i'll come back to this) to purchase a healthy microwaved popcorn in one the previous prior last attempts to be healthy. Dear god, this computer monitor's screen is about a half an inch from my face. and to pretend (tease) like i'm still thin.

Anyway, so I bought it in a last ditched effort to be thin and I thought of the word "teasing" and "tease" because that's what a not so intelligent neighbor boy, who is now an orphan, would say when we grew up in the same neighborhood, instead of pretend. he would say tease or teasing and it made me laugh.

so i went to a museum earlier this week and the tusks and the dead elephants needed to be dusted. i understood these were old tusks and old dead elephants because they were in a musuem, which usually has old things. so don't use pine-sol or pledge, but at least use a fucking swifer sweeper to get the dust bunnies off.

nothing pisses me off more than paying good money to go to a museum to be jipped with dusy tusks and dusty dead elephants.

well, some things piss me off more, but not many things. things that piss me off more are too many commercials when watching south park or drawn together.

so i just picked up my glass to have a drink of screwdriver and the water mark on the coaster looked like a smiley face. and i couldn't help but to think, should i somehow preserve this and blow up this fucking house, i mean and sell it on ebay.

do anybody have sand in her vagina?

let's blow up this fucking house.

i also thought that those on welfare should have to go to work after six months of being on welfare by separating trash for recyclables and cleaning subway trains and stations and other public areas where tax payers go to earn money so they can at least have your lazy welfare ass earning your welfare money giving cleaner public places like subways and other public areas to earn your welfare money.

you know, growing up on the streets of new york, ny for four days when i was 39, made me grow up fast and tough and don't even make me clean your fucking windshield for a quarter. cause i'll bust a cap in a beotches ass.

so i've been enjoying my first evening at home after growing up on the streets of new york, ny, for four days when i was 39.

i hate it when air gets trapped in that region.

so i did some laundry today, brushed the cats, ate some cheeseburger ravioli, ate some onion rings, ate some popcorn, scooped two litter boxes, cleaned one aquarium (30 gallon with an approximately 30 gallons of water) and flew from ny to ga from ga to nc, and well that's about it for other than cleaning the bathtub and taking a shower after cleaning the bathtub after cleaning the aquarium.

and i watched tv.

i also rode in a taxi.

i want me some chocolate icecream.

eric just said the "f" word. fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck.

i'm watching south park the movie, bigger longer and uncut. eat penguin shit.

so while i was peeing, i heard lionel ritchie singing , stuck on you, and then i thought about the stupid movie, "stuck on you". and realized how i would kick ass as a casting director, conisidering the casting director of the movie "stuck on you" cast greg kinnear (in his 40's) and matt damon (in his early 30's or late 20's) as conjoined (present), siamese (old school), the afflicted (really old school, but the easiest to understand) twins. why in the hell, would you cast a 40 something year old and a 30 something year old as afflicted twins.

and now for the second song, i'm writing, "jackalopes. ninjas. ninjas. jackalopes. you're both teasing to be real. both are teasing in my mind." this song is not in the key of upbeat country, but in the beat of a really boring pop song that would have sold well in the 80's. "jackalopes. ninjas. ninjas. jackalopes. you're both teasing to be real. both are teasing in my mind. pocahontas, fasting. fasting. pocahontas. one is indian. the other is hungry. together they are teasing to be hungry indians in my mind."

i'm tired of eating fucking popcorn. so i'm throwing what i have left away. but i would still loves me some chocolate icecream.

so i did a good job on the plane of not speaking to people today. i told one flight attendant, yes, please a coke. the next time i recall speaking was to the guy next to me who woke me up for another flight attendant to ask me if i wanted something to drink. i'm thinking. let me sleep you stupid son of a bitch. if i had wanted something to drink other than the bottle of water that i brought with me, i would have stayed awake to make my request.

it's not like it was for even a full can of coke. it was the short flight, half a can can of coke. that's not even worth my having to look up from the high priced in flight catalog to respond to the question. not that that the inflight magazine was high priced itself (the catalog was free). it's that the products in the inflight catalog are high priced (for the most part).

Squah n da nyutz.

and now i'll go for now until i come back again.

2005-10-08T23:59:00.000-05:00

...that some of the movie, "lord of the rings" was taken from "planet of the apes (60's,70's) version. except they looked like the apes with mold and/or fungi in their faces. so i laughed and laughed and laughed. all i would do was think, "this many years later and movie makeup and special effects don't look any better than this?" don't get me wrong. it was a much better movie than i had anticipated, but the special effects made me laugh. but laughter is good. so i'll give the movie 3 stars (5 being the most); not for plot, but for comical special effects. i know. i know that many of you are going to disagree with me, and that's certainly alright. the important thing to remember is that I'm right and you're wrong.

please don't say, "motherfucker, alright." Ladies and gentlemen, the rose. "Hey yall mother fuckers. It's midnight in memphis. i'm following my foot steps. trying to see where they might end. oh, midnight in memphis. well, take me away. well midnight in memphis. is a long long time before the day. i heard the river rising. rising up over my head. heard the rising and this is what it said. i don't need no light. i'm just a carer of the dead. oh, midnight in memphis. take me take me away. is a long long time before the day. midnight in memphis. midnight in memphis. midnight in memphis. is a long long time. before the day. before the day. before the day...."

do you want to know how i keep this tired battered old body in shape? the same way we're gonna get the whole goddamned world into shape. drugs, sex, rocknroll. drugs, sex, rocknroll, drugs, sex and rock n rooolll.

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=578&u=/nm/20051009/ts_nm/quake_subcontinent_dc_17

and others in the world made fun of the u.s. because of losing a few hundred in New Orleans. Now don't get me wrong. hurrican katrina was a tragedy. this earthquake was also a tragedy, but really how can one really compare 973ish to more than 18,000? and another thing. why do they name hurricanes , but not earthquakes, tornados, floods, mudslides, fires, snowstorms, drought, and other natural disasters? why only hurricanes? dont' you think the other natural disasters are pissed off? I would be if I were a natural disaster. I'd be hey, muthafucker. i'm a fucking earthquake and you'll give me a name or i'll make you wish that hurricane katrina is coming your way. again. let's compare/contrast the numbers: 973ish to more than 18,000. no wonder the hurrican was so pissed and gobbled up so many more.

do you think i'm ever going to get to meet Stevie Nicks in person? I sure hope so, but I can't possibly foresee any reason in my life that I would get to.

All I want to do is to meet her in person and say, "Hello. You've been my favorite since 1981. Please sign this piece of paper, "To Rick with Much Love, Stevie Nicks." And then she would do it and I would be happy forever and forever.

I can't really think of another autograph that I would want other than hers. It's not that I don't love many other musical artists, but all I am saying is I'd see your shit on E-Bay so quickly your head would spin for an autograph of Stevie Nicks that I got in person.

Thing is. Time was. Part of me used to love you. Part of me still does. So your soul becomes a stranger. So your soul becomes a stranger."

thank goodness my job doesn't require a thought in my head or a hope in my heart or I couldn't be this fucked up tonight and still work tomorrow.

So I'll go to work tomorrow and type e-mails and be bored. and type some more e-mails. and I'll do it again on Monday, but I'll be on vacation from Tuesday through Saturday so I won't have to pretend to have a thought in my head or a hope in my heart.

btw, the quote, "...doesn't require a thought in your head or a hope in your heart" comes from Strangers with Candy.

I wanna work at the artificial flower plant plant.

So i'll give charlotte about another year and a half and if something better hasn't happened with a job, then i'm moving again. i don't know where, but it won't be anywhere colder than charlotte. granted (i don't like using that word), but charlotte is very hot in the summer, comfortable in the spring and fall, but the fucking winter is cold. so. I'll give it about another year and half to find a decent job or i'll have to move again.

i've thought about canada, but it's too cold. however, i like their, "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" philosphy. I've also thought about Mexico because they are too poor to care about seeing evil, hearing evil and speaking evil." now don't get me wrong. they have plenty of wealthy in mexico, but they have quite a nice, ignoring the problems of the world mentality. so since i like warmer weather, I suppose, i'll live in mexico.

if you want to come to visit,that's cool, but look me up under druken juerto (pronounced whetto).

they got one thing in common. they got the fire down below. they got one thing in common. they got the fire down belowowow. they got the fire down belowowowow.

look me up in one of the coastal areas of mexico, but not gulf coast area because of the hurricanes. i'll be pacific coast mexico.

near. far. wherever you are. i believe that the heart will go on. i also kept hearing that song, when I was watching lord of the rings, but they weren't singing that song, but in one scene the chubby hobbit was sinking to the bottom of the river and the elijah wood hobit stuck his hand in the water and grabbed the chubby hobit's hand and pulled him from drowning in the river. and i had two thoughts. one was that shitty celine dion song from the titanic, ''near far. wherever you are. i believe that the heart wil go on." and my other thoughtw was how did the chubby hobit come back to life so quickly just from touching the elijah wood's hobbit's arm. it also struck me that at least two of the hobbits may be gay. not that i care if they are, but they just never left each other's sides.

these were the two hobbits found in corn field by the elijah wood hobbit and the chubby hobbit who almost drowned.

so anyway, i was glad to learn that each of the four kittens that mom and dad took to the pet shop were sold. i stil worry, yes worry, about the missing one. i try to think she's living with somone in a really good home, but i'm not convinced. anyhow, mom and dad had the mother cat to these kittens spayed and are going to keep her. so they told me she wasn't that nice, but she sat on my lap today. and again, i say that i've really always like animals better than i do most people. i would never let a strange woman who had just had a hysterectomy sit on my lap while i rubbed her head and ears, however with a cat, i didn't think twice.

yet, there's something really funny about the thought of a strange woman who had just had a hysterectomy sitting on my lap while i rubbed her head and ears. i think we all know, i would have let her head fall on the concrete because she hadn't been that picky about who rubbed her head and ears where the cat, "ms. kitty" was very particular and didn't like most people.

when i heard the cat's name, i thought of ms. kitty from gunsmoke. i haven't watched the show for years, but think about how funny the name, ms. kitty, is for the town madam , who ran a bar. they should have just called her ms pussy. matt dillon loved him some ms kitty's kitty. festus wanted him some ms kitty's kitty, but he had to be happy with the priosoner of the edisode. i'm not saying it's because he had a dead eye, but what i'm saying it is is because he had a dead eye. that's just wrong in any language. not what i said, but having a dead eye. ms kitty may have been a whore, but she was a whore with standards. she'd only fuck the sherriff, but not the deputy because he had a dead eye.

of coarse, the name, festus, may not have helped a lot either.

conjunction, junction. what's your fucntion? hooking up phrases and words and something something. conjunction junction. what's your function? hooking up phrases and words and something, somethings.

so now i will go.

good night.

2005-10-04T23:40:00.000-05:00

...there may be a hole in the bucket, dear liza, dear liza, but dammit there's a hole in my screen and i keep getting tobacco in my mouth. so i ask you this, am i more concerned about the hole in dear liza's bucket or am i more concerned about the hole in my screen? The answer will follow later, unless i forget, but i think you all know the answer.

Damn, this hole isn't even funny.

I watched The Amityville Horror (new version) earlier and i have to admit that i'm looking over my shoulders a little tonight and avoiding the mirror in the bathroom.

Some may call me a coward. Still others call me a pussy. but i do know this, come monday morning, everybody's gonna have pity on me and that's got to be worth something.

two different episodes of strangers combined in the sentences above, yet it seems to still have somewhat of a flow.

maybe i clean my screen too much and that's why it has a hole. perhaps it's just been used alot, like a 46 year old whore on govment (and yes, i meant to type govment) check day.

who care's about your bucket? dear liza, dear liza. who cares about your bucket dear liza, dear who? horton hears a who. whobody. who's a who that horton heard? is it like cindy lou who who horton hears? or is it the who with a fat whobelly, whose sweater button is about to pop off? I look more like the who with a fat whobelly, whose sweater button is about to pop off. well at least in the fat belly area. i'm not like cabbage headed bald like he was. i may have a receding hairline, but at least it's not cabbage headed bald. does everyone know what i'm talking about when i type cabbage headed bald? it's like captain stubbing (or whatever the fuck his name was) line of hair, no longer than 3 inches tall that goes ear to ear, love boat. like john quincy adams, but much younger than captain stubbing (or whatever the fuck his name was) line of hair, no longer than 3 inches tall that goes ear to ear, love boat and john quincy adams.

heads are funny shapped for some people. there was this one time when i was working at the dairy queen, i saw a waterheaded customer and the tragedy of this is, that's it's more at least 20 years ago and yet i'm still scarred. and then there was girl i worked with between 10 and 15 years ago and she was a waterhead, but a higher functioning water head, who appeared normal, if you only heard her voice on the phone, but in person it was like a hot air ballon riding on top of a tank. rumor has it that she has bred. i don't know what to say, but i will say this, "i don't want to see it."

anyway, i'm much more concerned about the hole in my screen than the hole in liza's bucket. i probably need my a screen without a hole much more than she needed water in the bucket.

sometimes, almost all of the time i smoke when i drink. i've tried paraliament and marlboro (which in and of itself, the word sounds rednecked) and i prefer marlboro. i was just thinking about when i was in tuscon arizona when i typed that; and i don't know why. i wasn't even really there, like standing on ground there, but just riding through there and i still don't know why i thought about tuscon arizona.

i'm gonna write a song in the tune of upbeat country music and here it goes. please keep in mind this is the first country song, i've ever written, in fact, this is the first song, i've ever written. and it goes something like this,

"Have you ever been knocked up? Have you ever been let down? Have you ever had herpes? How are your crabs? Have you ever been knocked up? Have you ever been let down? Have you ever had herpes? How are your crabs?

And there I was a standing. and there was where i saw you. and you caught my eye. and found out it was glass. and you found out it was glass. it was after you dropped it. and then you called me one eyed. and then i called you whore. and then i asked you. a few simple questions. and i wanted to know, have you ever been knocked up? have you ever been let down? have you ever had herpes? How are your crabs? Have you ever been knocked up? Have you ever been let down? Have you ever had herpes? How are your crabs?

And one day i was a walkin'. down to the free clinic. and there you was (should be were, but this is a country song) sittin'. when i walked through the door. i looked at you and smiled. you look back and you told me. you had a few questions. before you sucked my dick. and then you said, have you ever been knocked up? have you ever been let down? have you ever herpes? How are your crabs? Have you ever been knocked up? Have you ever been let down? Have you ever had herpes? How are your crabs?

I told, i'd never been knocked up. i don't have a uterus. yes, i've been let down. haven't we all? my herpes are better. at least in remission. my crabs went away. please don't give them back. don't give them back. don't give them back (fade to intruments only)" and well the song is finished.
and back to me.

Good night.

2005-09-27T00:16:00.000-05:00

whobody?

I think Oz saw my password for my blogger.com login. Maybe I should change it. I wouldn't want him telling anyone so that someone else other than me, Captain Zoloft, could login and pretend to be me and babble on (not babylon) aimlessly. now how embarassing could that be for me? Exactly.

So anyway, I gave him (Oz) an icecube to play with in the sink and he promised his loyalties to me.

Imagine, selling out for an icecube.

You know, it's probably time that I vacuum under the stove and dishwasher, as well as, roll the refrigerator out and vacuum and mop there. That's something I'll put on my to do list that I keep in my head. I don't do this chore that often; only about 2 - 3 times a year. I have a special cleaner attachment that goes under the stove and dishwasher, but it's too big to go under the refrigerator, but luckily the refrigerator has wheels. Years ago, back in the time before microwave ovens, refrigerators were smooth instead of with the little squiggly line indentions, which by the way were added to refrigerators to hide finger prints. But because too many people complained about finger prints, these squiggly line indentions were added. I'd prefer smooth because too much damned dirt gets in the squiggly line indentions. No matter how much you clean these squiggly line indentions, they get dirt in them week after week after week after week. Hell, I can open a refrigerator without finger printing it up, buy yet, I'm subjected to dirty refrigerator squiggly line indentions that hide fingerprints. Where's the justice with this? I suffer dirty squiggly line indentions because others procreate. Let's just say, if I ever buy a home or need to buy a refrigerator, it damned well will be smooth. I hate refrigerator squiggly line indentions.

Picture it, Thanksgiving 2005. Dinner at 1:15pm in West Virginia, mountain momma, take me home, country roads. The Thanksgiving prayer will be, "O! Holy Father. Hallowed be they name. Thank you Jehovah, for this food that is set before us. Thank you for those of us who are here and those who can't be with us (hell, we wouldn't want anyone else with us)(but can you imagine dinner with those who can't be with us? I can't. Too many unknowns involved. For instance, I prefer not to sit by those, who let's say, 'click' when they speak. Because I would want to 'click' back at them, but since I wouldn't understand the different tones of 'clicks' I would either end up married to a 'clicker' or dead), but the prayer will continue with something like this, and Father, thank you for all that you do for us. Thank you for your son, who died on the cross to save each and everyone one of us. Lord, protect us and keep us in your loving care. Lord keep us humble and keep us meek. Bless the hands that prepared this food that is set before us. God bless Murray for having us all in her house today. And we ask all of his in the precious holy name and of Lord and Savior. Amen.

So more than likely I'll be working that day, but go ahead and hide a tape recorder at the house of which I speak and tell me that I'm not at least 90% accurate on the prayer that will be said.

Let's just say some of us have heard this prayer so many times that the only thing that ever changes about it is the addition or subtraction of the "Jehovah God" part.

And after all of these years, I still don't know who Murray is.

Yuck! I bought some Lightly Salted Cashews (on purpose) but let's just say, that this is one mistake I hope never to make again.

Another mistake I hope to avoid is buying Salt Sense. It's like 1/3 less sodium or something like that, but I have to use twice as much to give anything a salty taste. So why bother with Salt Sense? You may ask. Well, it's because since I bought it, I feel like I have to use it. Sure I could buy a round thingy of salt for less than $1.00. but what about the loss value of not using the more expensive, Salt Sense? Hell, it woucl be like throwing two Morton Salt round thingies away and keeping one. Yes, you heard it here first. 1/3 less sodium and at more than 2/3 the price.

So the other day, I was wondering what Stevie Nicks was doing. I wondered if she was visiting her mother to grieve together at the recent loss of her father, Jess Nicks. But what if she is at home writing new songs for a new album (damn, that let's you know that I'm old), I mean CD. Will it be a darker, moodier CD since the songs may reflect her recent loss (and Stevie if you do read this, "I LOVE YOU. Call me and we'll get married)? Or will she continue down her country influenced, recent material, even though she has actually written songs sung by several country artists? I don't know, but I do know this. The day she releases her new CD (that has yet to be announced) I will go in late to work or take the day off to buy two copies (one for home and one for my car).

I heard good news today. The kittens living at my parent's house didn't go to the Human Society, but rather to a local pet shop. However, there was still bad news, the lighter colored calico kitten that was missing is still missing. I did tell mom that if this kitten, who is probably dead, did show up that it was destiny for them to keep her. She disagreed, but this comes from a woman who has sprayed hamsters with Lysol because they smelled. Let's just say the hamters didn't live long and prosper.

Whobody wants some Lightly Salted Cashews? I think I will throw them away if no one else wants them. Damn, they are nasty. Not nasty like okra or peas or lima beans or coconut or celery or the afflicted or sushi or beets or minced meat pie or things with missing eyes or unsweetened tea or olives (green and black) or rye bread or cervichi (raw fish 'cooked' on lemon juice, cold lemon juice; sounds like a marinade to me) or turnips (not the turnip greens just the turnip turnip), but nasty like, " you dirty, nasty, filthy motherfucker, these cashews need some salt."

And on that I shall say good night.

2005-09-23T01:39:00.000-05:00

you're damned right i've got the blues.

and pretty soon, i'll be eating a pizza.

but while the pizza was baking, i had to pee and i had a snake tongued pee stream. perhaps it's because i'm seeing double, or perhaps it's because, you're damend right i've got the blues.

i smell kfc, but i baked a totinos pizza, they were on sale 3/$5.99. i've seen them cheaper, but this still isn't a bad deal. i probably can't do the math now, but maybe if you remind me to divide $5.99/3 =1.999999997 cents each so they are cheap, but i add some red pepper and mozzarella cheese, so it's probably at least 2.15 each (electricity included).

mmm, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza.

so totino's pizza are almost as cheap as a free lunch program program for the poor and afflicted children at school.

because although they are referred to as free lunches, someone else has to pay for them. and who is that someone gonna be? it's gonna be us. i would prefer my taxes go to things other than free lunches for at school and welfare. i'd prefer my taxes to go to the aspca or hsus or the kittens on my parent's back porch minus "her" who is missing or dead.

I want a amber "her" alert! it should read, abducted or dead, calico kitten, 6 weeks old, named Her.

I want the guilty party for Her disappearance, prosecuted, not prosituted.

Can you imagine hustling yourself?

Pizza, Pizza, Pizza!

Drake, why did you spread those viscous lies? because you didn't spread those viscous thighs. (Strangers with Candy) and I'm not even watching it. I'm just remebering stuff.

Mahesh, sold a tv to me when i was about 19. i still laugh about his name.

It was my first, very own tv.

pizza, pizza, pizza.

but i don't have that tv anymore.

it was a 20'' sold to me by mahesh, and i laugh about his roundness.

One person sells a television, another person buys, a television. Which is a greater loss? well you do the math dummy, the buyer, but I do know this, come Monday morning, I will wake up and on that note...

...good night.

2005-09-22T22:22:00.000-05:00

...while I was standing outside smoking a cigarrette, I was thinking about a kitten that is missing and I am distraught. And then I was thinking, am I broken? I then thought, I am more worried about this kitten, who I will explain in a minute, who is probably dead, than I am about Terry Schiavo and Natalie Holloway. Don't get me wrong, I understand why their families would be upset. I've held this kitten, who is now missing and I'm upset. However, this kitten is (was) one in a litter of five from a stray cat who moved to my parent's house. Anway, a few weeks ago when I was home, I held this one. Granted she was rather wild as were her siblings, but I caught her off guard while she was eating. Anyway, out of the litter of five there are now four. The mother is still there and this little girl kitten, I'll name her, "her", is missing and more than likely dead or she'd be with the other kittens and her mother. I've always gotten attached to animals much quickly than I do people. So her is missing, possibly dead, and I'm more concerned about this than I am about a missing human. Hence my question, "am I broken?" I'm going to say, "No." Fractured? Possibly. Cut? I hope not, but I could be. Scratched? Not that I'm aware of. I'm just someone who isn't as concern about things that don't affect me directly. So Her affected me. A scratch could become infected, and the lame may be afflicted. Do you see where I'm going with this? I think it's obvious. Words that end with "ed" and things that make me worried/concerned. The other four and the mother are going to the Human Society on Monday. All I can say, is it's probably good that I don't live on a mountain or island, because I would have taken these cats to my mountain or island, so I didn't have to worry about them being put to sleep. Maybe I could get a mountain on an island. That way I wouldn't have to worry about tsunamis as much, plus I'm not hindu, which were who a tsunami hit. There's an inside joke to this, so don't be offended by my prejudice statement, it's more of a quote from a family member, who in her own sort of way, probably meant well, but sounded like a judgmental bitch, while loving Jesus.

Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night. Wouldn't you love to love her? She rules her life like a bird in flight.

Sorry, I had to take a dance break.

Yes! A dance break to dance to Stevie.

All your life, you've never seen a woman taken by the sky. Well, would you stay if she promised to you heaven? Would you even try? Would you even try? Rhiannon. Rhiannon. Rhiannon. Dreams unwind. Love's a state of mind. Dreams unwind. Love's a state of mind. Your dreams unwind and still it's hard to find. I know. Dreams unwind and still it's a state of mind. I know. Take me like the wind. Baby. Take me with the Sky. All the same. All the same. Rhiannon. All the same. Baby all the same. All the same. And he still cries out for her, "Don't leave me now."

And now another cigarette break...

...and now I'm back from another cigarette break.

And this one time when I was in the fifth grade, for the end of the year school music program program. the music teacher asked each homeroom teacher to pick a country they wanted their class to sing about and dress up like for the end of the year school music program program. the other teachers followed the instructions, but not mine. no, my class was the laughing stock of the school. my teacher chose hawaii. so then when i was a junior in high school, i had class with this teacher's daughter, and i told her that her mom thought hawaii was a country. and we laughed. and the next day, she told me her mom said she knew hawaii wasn't a country. and then told her to ask her mom, ''then why did you pick hawaii for the country?'' then we laughed some more and then many years after that, when i was walking at the middle school track who do you thought i saw? it was none other than ms fifth grade, thought hawaii was a country, teacher. and we walked around the track and i made fun of her for two miles.

Good times!

and good night for now!

2005-09-20T00:22:00.000-05:00

Rock on Gold Dust Woman. Take your silver spoon and dig your grave. Well it's a heartless challenge. Pick your path, then you pray. You wake up in the morning. See your sunrise loves to go down. Lousy lovers, pick their prey but they never cry out loud. Did she make you cry? Make you breakdown? Shatter your illusions of love? Rock on ancient queen. Follow those who pale in your shadow. Rulers they make bad lovers. You better put your kingdom up for sale. Did she make you run? Did she make you cry? Shatter your illusions of love? Is it over now? Pick up your pieces and go home. Oh, pale shadow of a woman. Oh, black widow. Oh oh pale shadow of a woman. She's a dragon. Gold dust woman. Oh, pale shadow of a woman. Oh, black widow. Gold dust woman. Running in the shadows. Running in the shadows. Running in the shadows. Running in the shadows.

And the song that I tried my best to type while it was being sung, is one of the many reasons I love Stevie Nicks.

I think I hear someone running in the shadows on the front porch slab/thing in front of my door. But then again, it could just be one of my neighbors being robbed at gunpoint, since that seems to be the hip thing to do in the apartment community where I live, in the ghetto.

I'm sure it's not Stevie Nicks or Gold Dust Woman, running in the shadows on the front porch slab/thing in from of my door. I'm pretty sure I would sense her presence or at least hear her capes dragging across the ground of the front porch slab/thing.

I think I've missed my calling. Although I find my job completely unchallenging, I still feel a sense of a purposeless life that makes me get up and greet each morning with the middle finger and a fuck you. Just kidding, well not about the job, but about greeting each morning with a middle finger and a fuck you. Actually I prefer to greet the afternoon that way. Mornings are for sleeping.

So I'm back to the velvet underground. Back to the floor that I love. To a room with some lace and paper flowers. Back to the gypsy that I was. One time I used gypsy for a password at a job I worked many years ago or at least I thought I used gypsy, but little did I know that I typed gyspy. Not only did I type it once, I typed it twice for the re-enter your new password prompt. I know this because I locked myself out of my computer trying to spell gypsy. So I called the help desk and spoke with she, who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent (me) from being sued at a later date, for using her name. Anyway, this woman talked funny kind of like her tongue didn't have full mobility. She had to reset my password to something generic so I could spell my password correctly. The moral of this story is, call the help desk for assistance with a password reset and be prepared to spend a lot of time laughing about a woman who talked funny kind of like her tongue didn't have full mobility.

Morals are important. It's good to make them up as you go, which makes life more interesting.

Has anyone here ever stolen a box of bird seed from a Ben Franklin's Five & Dime store? I'm not saying I have, but lets just say about 25 years ago or so, someone who looked a lot like me, but younger, thinner, and without a receeding hairline, wanted to see if he could do it and not get caught. Rumor has it, he pulled this heist off. Even a more interesting part of the rumor is he has always wondered if his parakeet died a year or so later because he fed his parakeet stolen bird seed.

Oh, if you climb a mountain and turn around. If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, the landslide will bring you down. And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, well maybe, the landslide will you down, down, down. the landslide will bring you down.

So this person, mentioned above, had this theory that if one were to eat stolen food, one would certainly die for one's sin. And no, this person was not raised by a Catholic Nun. Mainly because her large helmet of hair would never fit into one of those nun hats.

Anyway, although this person had this theory, he had to put it to the test. So he tested it on parakeet and a year or so later, the parakeet died. Coincidence? I think we all know the answer to that, but are any of us brave enough to put it to the test again?

I will, but this time instead of a parakeet, a foreign orphan will be the test subject. Maybe I can borrow one of Angelina Jolie's kids?

Pat Sprat could eat no fat. Her beotch could eat no lean. So between the two of them, they licked their pussies clean. What if it were stolen pussy? Would the eater of this die a year or so later? Or at the very least get a viscious case of herpes?

Morals are important. So is clean living and that's why I use Pine-Sol. Because it not only cleans and disinfects, it deodorizes too. I also use Comet, because at $.59 a can, you just can't get a better cleaning bargain. I know some of you are whining that it's hard to rinse out, but that's a myth. It's really no worse than any gel or paste cleaner to rinse out. Trust me, I've tried a lot of them, but I always go back to Comet. Besides I can also use it as a weapon in the ghetto parking lot here. I could start carrying a can of it with me and sling it into the would be robbers eyes, causing burning, stinging, redness, and possibly blindness. I guess that would learn em to try to rob me. Not only would they be blind, but I would then make fun of them for being blind because they tried to rob me and I threw Comet in their eyes.

The moral of this story is crime doesn't pay. One person lost a parakeet. Others lost their sight. Which is a greater loss? I don't know. But buying a new parakeet is a hell of a lot cheaper than buying new eyes that work. Think about it. I haven't.

And our hero, Captain Zoloft, exits stage right, finishes his glass of decaffinated iced tea, and then goes to bed.

Good night!

2005-09-16T00:41:00.000-05:00

...so i just edited three chapters of my book tonight. and yet i have to wonder, "will this book ever be more than my own personal laughters?" and then I think, who in the hell cares. I sure have had a good time writing it and working on it.

and while I'm writing, I'm listening to Beth Hart and she seems real.

She said, "I love this top, but my right boob always wants to say hello."

So I'm thinking I need to move because of the crime in my own private ghetto.

You've got places to go. You've got people to know. You've got plans to get your shit together. Come on . Get your shit together. All Right. All right.

Don't let anyone ever convince you that cold medicine doesn't mix well with screwdrivers.

If they try to tell you that cold medicine doesn't mix well with screwdrivers, tell them to don't knock it til they try it. it has a numbing effect, yet which has more control, the cold medicine or the screwdrivers? who's to say? But i do know this. One family lost a daughter and I lost a turtle.

Harris Teeter has their premium orange juice on sale, "buy one get one free." This is a better price than their non premium orange juice of $1.79 each. I may not be a math major, but $1.79 x 2 = $3.58. The buy one get one free special is $2.79 for 2, yet it's a higher quality generic orange juice.

Okay, i've admitted it. I buy generic orange juice.

Drinking generic orange juice is better than losing a daughter or a turtle. although, I've never lost a daughter, but I have lost turtle.

BTW, sometimes, I type stuff and then delete it because it may seem too crazy.

Do you think New Orleans will return to its one time glory?

Maybe yes. Maybe no.

How will my life be affected either way? I'm not sure. But I am sure of this. If I were a jazz musician, my life could possibly be affected more than it could if I weren't a jazz musician. And let me say this, I'm not a musician; jazz or otherwise, but i know some words from a song by louis b armstrong. "I see skies of blue. clouds of white. something something something something. something says good night or something. and i think to myself. what a wonderful world.

I've a had a cold most of the week and this is the best i've felt so don't ever let anyone tell you that cold medicine and screwdrivers don't mix well together.

I have a fish with a missing eye and I want to flush it, but I would stir up too much fish shit trying to catch it. My biggest fish was attacking the next biggest fish tonight and bit out one of his eyes. So I'm really grossed out by this, but don't think it's worth stirring up fish shit to catch this fish to flush it. The one eyed fish will probably be dead tomorrow anway and will be easier to catch without stirring up fish shit.

besides sometime between friday or saturday i need to do a parital water change and the one eyed fish has to go away. it's just wrong. I could never cut the aquarium light on again with a one eyed fish in there.

Here's another part where I was typing something, deleted it, and now we'll never know what it was.

I want to sing some blues man. do you think it would be okay if we all sat down. just relax. smoke a joint. do whatever you do. it's just so much nicer. hey you guys. i want to tell you sincerley man. thank you so much for being here tonight. (more beth hart)

So it's been a good night (in spite of having a cold)

Good night!

2005-09-15T00:37:00.000-05:00

...just because I have a cold, does that mean I shouldn't be able to sleep? I've taken a cold medicine that was supposed to make me sleepy. I've even taken a Simply Sleep, by the makers of Tylenol and dammit I'm still awake. So I will entertain myself by blogging.

Have you ever been so bored that you clipped your fingernails and toenails? I have. In fact, I did it earlier tonight. It's not that they really needed it, but I thought "What the hell? Nothing else is going on."

I think about the other things I could be doing like working on my book; but just not feeling it tonight. My car needs to be washed and waxed, but it's a little late to do that and besides, I could turn my cold into pneumonia. Not to mention get robbed in the parking lot of where I live. Yes, there was another robbery at the mail center this week. I'm so glad I live near the mail center and usually have to park in the general vacinity of the mail center. Like I knew I was moving to the ghetto when I rented this place. Luckily we have a courtesy officer, who is tucked safely in his bed while the robberies are happening. But if I do get robbed, the procedure is to call 911 (now there's a shocker), then contact the apartment complex office and have the courtesy officer paged. What good is paging the courtesy officer going to do? If I've already been robbed, what is the courtesy officer going to do, pat me and say there there? Perhaps, all of the residents will have another notice slid into their doors alerting us of the crime. What am I supposed to do with this notice, carry it with me and give the robber(s) a paper cut? That will learn 'em not to mess with me. I'll cut them to pieces with the robbery notices.

Hey I know, why not put some security cameras around the mail center since that's where most of the robberies occur? Imagine the fun of viewing the security camera videos. Nose picking, ass scratching, dick adjustments, titty positioning, etc. Now that could be some real entertainment. Even better than clipping my fingernails and toenails. Maybe I should save my fingernail and toenail clippings, wrap them up in a robbery notice, carry with me at all times, and then blow the clippings into the robber's eyes in hopes of scratching his/her cornea. Then while the robber is rubbing his/her eyes, I'll use another notice that hasn't been folded to administer a series of paper cuts. I'm going right for the bend of the fingers too. And don't even give me a salt shaker. I'll pour the salt right on the robber's eyes and paper cuts. That's right. I'm a badass. If worse comes to worse, I'll take the razor from my gums and cut a beotch.

Well, it appears that sleep has finally arrived.

So turn out the lights and go to bed dammit!

2005-09-08T22:40:00.000-05:00

Neville Laments Destruction of New Orleans; Let's just hope he doesn't warble his lamentations in his old man quivery voice. Kind of like Roy Orbison, except for being alive, and being able to see (unlike Roy who couldn't even when he was alive), and having a giant prune growing over his right eye.

There. I've said it and it needed to be said. Aaron Neville has a giant prune over his right eye. Now I know this image is shocking because giant prunes should not end up as an apendage, they should be shit into the sewer by a formerly constipated old person.

Excuse me. I've been away for a moment. I needed another drink and then Cosmo wanted me to rub his head.

But now I'm back...in school and though the faces may have changed. The hassles are just the same.

Cosmo has dumbo ears.

Faces freedom with a little fear. i have no fear. i have only love. and if i was a child and the child was enough for me to love, enough to loooovvvveee. she is dancing away from you now. she was just a wish. just a wish. and her memory is all that is left of her now. you see your gypsy. you see your gypsy. oh a la la la la la. Lightning strikes. maybe once maybe twice.

I have a confession to make. I have seen Hall & Oats in concert.

I have also seen Wild Cherry. For those of you who might not know who Wild Cherry is, let me say this, "Play that funky music white boy. Play that funky music right. play that funky music white boy. something something something. and play that funky music til you die.

I'm pretty sure that Cheech and Chong have smoked pot. Maybe they still do, but who's to say? "One family loses a daughter. I lose a turtle. Which is a greater loss? Who's to say? But I do know this, 'Come Monday morning, everyone is gonna have pity on me, and that's got to be worth something.'"

I really hope that Aaron Neville doesn't sing a song about the night New Orleans died. I hope even more that Roy Orbison doesn't sing it. That would be some scary shit. He's dead. If I hear him sing a new song, then I may start believing in ghosts. And not to mention that I don't like to hear him sing, even when he was alive.

Have you ever gone to church in a fire station?

I have.

All I can say is you should have been there.

Now I'm done.

2005-09-04T01:00:00.000-05:00

...Still waters run deep. Yes it do. Oh oh oh yes. I'm gonna be that bridge. over troubled water.

I'll be there to comfort you. And when darkness comes. you let it all. all lay down. just like a bridge over troubled water.

Aretha Franklin's intensity on this song is so real. it's so true.

if you only believe. when you're down and out. you're on the street. evening falls. so hard. i will comfort you. i'll lay me down. but when darkness comes. let it all it all. like a bridge over troubled water. i will lay me down. just like a bridge over troubled water. i will lay me down. sail on . sail on. sail on by. you're time has come to shine. on all of your dreams. seee how they shine. and if you ever need a friend. look around. just like a bridge over troubled water. i'll be there to lay me down. like a bridge over troubled, troubled water. don't trouble the water. yes it do. oh oh oh yes. still water. don't trouble the water. give it up. why don't you. why don't you let it be. i'm gonna be your bridge.

damn! that woman can sing. she can sing like no one else can. her voice has never been imitated, to my knowledge. neither has Stevie's. mucho imitationio in today's world, but an original is and always be an original.

i watched scary movie 2 last night. i laughed and laughed and laughed.

and tonight i read the online headline where supreme court judge william Rehnquist (may not be spelled correctly) died. and then i thought, that gives george w. bush jr., yet another supreme court justice to pick. since i didn't win the pope election, i'm thinking i could be the next supreme court justice. i really wanted to be the pope aka the pontiff, but that wasn't meant to be.

but how cool would it be to be a supreme court judge. it's almost like being the pope. they both wear wobes. they both are employed for the rest of their life, unless they choose early retirment like sandra o'connor. i'm figuring, with a job like this, i'll never retire. i'll be so old, i'll be pissing my pants under my robe, but no one but me and my dry cleaner will know that i'm pissing my pants. and i'll pay him/her off to shut the hell up.

the thrill is gone. the thrill is done all away from me. thrill is gone. the thrill is gone. the thrill is gone all the way away from me. although, i know i'll still live on. i'll be lonely lonely lonely one day.

i suppose i'll enjoy being a supreme court judge better than being the pope, because the pope can't retire, but a judge can. the poor previous pope. he may have been dead three months before they actually announced it. now they have that boring german pope. he's just not charasmatic like the previous pope.

i like watching the beverly hillbillies.

the thrill is gone. the thrill is gone all the way away from me. wishing you well. i'm free from your spell. free at last. thank god almighty. i'm free at last.

i was going to be pope pope pope the first. now i'll be the honorable supreme court judge. many of you know my real name, but just by chance, you're just dropping in, you'll just be able to refer to me as the person who was almost pope pope pope the first, but who has no chance of being the honorable supreme court judge. i'm not a lawyer or a judge, so i'm confident i don't qualify to be the honorable supreme court judge, but if i did get the job, it's not like i'd be the first person to get a job who wasn't qualified.

why does the top of my microwave always look so much dustier than anything else that i dust? It's like i dust it every other day or so, but it looks dusty within hours of being dusted. that really pisses me off. if i had a lisp, i would have typed, "that really pitheth me off." lisps make me laugh. or as a lisper would say it, "lithpth make me laugh."

i've never met a lisper that i haven't made fun of.

when i find myself in times of trouble. mother mary comes to me. speaking words of wisdom. let it be. let it be. there will be an answer, let it be. let it be. let it be. let it be. let it be. let it be. music plays, but aretha isn't singing....let it be. let it be. let it be. whisper words of wisdom. let it be let it be. i wake up with the sound of music. mother mary comes to me. let it be. let it be. there will be an answer. let it be. let it be. leave it alone. let it be. whipser words of wisdom. let it be let it be.

i watched sarahara this weekend on dvd. it's not that good. it's like indiana jones met a d movie. stick with the indiana jones series.

why is ray charles dead, but michael jackson is still alive?

why did helen keller's leg turn yellow?

Her dog was blind too.

good night for now.

2005-09-02T00:29:00.000-05:00

I love some Beth Hart, but I loves me some Stevie Nicks. Oh, black widow. oh, pale shadow. she's a dragon. gold dust woman. oh, pale of a woman. oh, black widow. yeah. oh, pale shadow. she's a dragon. gold. dust. woman. oh, running in the shadows, oh, running in the shadows.

Damn, I loves me some Stevie Nicks. How can I not loves me some Stevie Nicks.

I still laugh about the time in training class for the job I work now, we were taking a tour of the parking lot, which means we were leaving early and the trainer, with a small head and big lips, as well as missing teeth. well anyway, the first tour of the parking lot, he was taking us around the pond and walking trials and someone said something like this, "I can't be walking this much, I got me some asthma." The something like this part may be questionable, but I'll never forget, unless I get me some alzheimers, when she said, "I got me some asthma." It makes me laugh on the inside and the outside. it's like the obese's excuse not to walk. I'm not saying asthma isn't real, but i am saying, no one working in the same department as I should be saying, "I got me some asthma."

I'm washing the curtains in my bedroom...again...the cats lay on them in the widow seal, cat bed, a lot and they had mucho cat hairio on them. i'm not mexican, but i play one on tv. i'll say this and maybe only one other person in the world will get it. "tease like it. tease like it is." The clue for the rest of you is he's a 41 year old orphan. Could I make that into a movie? Maybe. Let's think about it, the 41 year old orphan, life of a person who said, "tease like it. tease like it is."

i can hear my washer filling with water. i'm washing the cat hair right off of my curtains. i thought i was going to bed, but then i remembered i wanted to wash my curtains so here i am.

Actually, i'm going to wash them twice because i feel i've neglected washing the cat hair off of them. but i'm only going to add fabric softener once. so the first wash will be a wash a rinse, then i will wash again, but on the second rinse, I will add fabric softener. It's not like curtains should need fabric softener, but i like the smell it leaves behind for a day or two. that's right. i like the smell and i'm not ashamed to admit it.

finally, stevie again.

so i'm back. to the velvet . oh, underground. back to the floor that i love. to a room with some lace and paper flowers. back to the gypsy that i was. to the gypsy that i was. and it all comes down to you. you know that it does. lightening strikes. maybe once. maybe twice. you see your gypsy. oh, you see your gypsy. to the gpysy that remains. faces freedom with a little bit of fear. i have no fear. i have only love. and if i was a child. and the child was enough. enough for me to love. enought to loooovvee. she was just a wish. she was just a wish. and a memory is all that is left for you now. you see your gypsy. you see your bright eyes. ah ah ah and it all comes down to you. ligtening strikes. maybe once. maybe twice.

My favorite line in a movie is from Lake Placid. The movie sucked, but Betty White's character told someone, "If I had a dick. I'd tell you to suck it."

That made me laugh.

i just took a pee break and there's nothing that's ever going to change that.

By the way, I ate a roll of sugar cookie dough within 12 hours this week. I ate the first half at appoximaltely 10:45pm, August 30th, 2005 in the year of our Lord. I finished it off by 8am on August 21 2005, in the year of our Lord. actually, that is less than 12 hours.

damn, i'm getting fat. i just can't seem to figure out why.

good night

2005-09-01T00:32:00.000-05:00

...why don't we give the Statue of Liberty back to the French? I mean, he sign reads something about the poor, the hungry, and the weak. Probably not quite that, but something like that. Why don't we either give her back to the French? Le Pew! Or change the sign to read, give me your wealthy, your well-fed, and the attractive. Don't we have plenty of poor, hungry, and weak people? Let's get some other decent people in before we keep supporting the undecent. Can I get an a-men?

A-men. Aaaeeaa a-men. a-men, a-men. aaaeea-men. As sung by Larnell Harris back in the 90's or something.

What have the french contributed to society other than eating snails and too much perfume to cover the stink?

That's what I thought; nothing!

I used to have a Larnell Harris cd, but it was boring, so it didn't make it in the move from San Diego to VA. I gave it charity.

I'm not saying that I gave all Christian music to charity, I still like some. Especially, Mahalia Jackson, but I gave the boring to charity.

Earlier tonight, Oz had an icecube stuck on his paw tufts. It was funny to watch him hold it in the air looking at it.

Satin's hairlip.

I feel good. Do da do da do da do. I knew that I would. Da do da do da do. So good! So something or another, blah, blah, blah, da blah, de blah.

And now for the news!!!

On the night of August 31, 2005, I told a girl at work with a leaf growing in a planter to start singing, "Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home.

She asked, "why?"

I said, "for the leaf in your planter."

I said, "you can name it Terri Schiavo, call governor bush, and have a special meeting with congress, but that leaf is ready to cross over."

I then told her, "if it disappears, you can name it natalie holloway."

Although, i was told by several people that my comments were mean, they were laughing when they told me.

The Downs lost a child and I lost a turtle. Which is a greater loss? Who's to say? But I do know this, come Monday morning, everyone will have pity on me, and that's got to be worth something.

I haven't had a pet turtle for years. I used to get the $.25 ones from Village Variety and then they would die, so I'd get another. Dad used to bring home some turtle like tortisies from time to time, but I haven't lost a turtle due to death in my adult life. The $.25 turtles are illegal to sell in many states due to mad turtle disease or something crazy like that. actually, it may be salmonella. (it's like a salmon named ella.) and who wants that?

I think it's wonderful that coach wolfe is giving away infants to you people.

So those are my thoughts for the evening. Some are straight from my head. Others are from Strangers with Candy. I'm sure those of you who know me well, will know the difference.

2005-08-30T02:03:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a craving for cookie dough? I have. Am I having one now? Oh, hell yes! I want sugar cookie dough and I want it now.

But while I crave things that I don't have and don't need, I'll try to refocus my attention on third world countries, poverty, and the afflicted.

Have you ever met someone so detached that she referred to her afflicted grand daughter as "The Child"? I have. Although, I even knew her comments were cold and heartless, I still found an odd amount of humor attached to them. So then when we got to church on a Sunday night, she went in and spoke to her son, the pastor. He wasn't the one with "the child". That was his sister, the old woman's child, who was mother to "the child".

Good times at church!

One time, for shits and giggles, I was hanging out with some friends and we thought it would be funny to call a youth pastor we knew, but didn't like, and pretend to be in his youth group. So I called late one night/early one morning. (Please excuse the lack of details, I was drunk when we did this.) I called and asked him if I would go to hell for having sex and getting drunk. He wanted to know who was calling so I turned it around and pretended like he should know because I was in his youth group. He didn't recognize me so I pretended to cry and told him, it just doesn't matter. Well then I hung up on him, hoping he would stay awake the rest of the evening wondering which young person he may have sent to hell due to his not caring about his flock.

A flock of seagulls.

But I'm not always mean. I did have a funny comment tonight at work. I thought about how funny it would be if I had a voodoo doll of a little person that I work with. I laughed and shared my thoughts with a few others and said, if I had a voodoo doll of this pygmy, I would make one leg shorter than the other and then call him "Ilene."

So my thoughts continue, my little light shines and I keep reaching for my glass of iced tea, however I've now reached for the same glass at least 4 times in the last minute, yet it's still empty. Empty like "the child's" grandmother. Empty like the unconcerned youth pastor. And most importantly, empty like my stomach is of sugar cookie dough. Damn, I wish I had some sugar cookie dough.